Phone Sex in the Dark

One of the pitfalls of the location of my job is that it's located in this old house in a nicer part of town. However, since that house is relatively old (ie-old wiring, etc), the power goes out constantly. I've come in to pick up my check before when the power was out, but last night I had to actually work in the dark. Kammi and I were on a two girl call with the guy who loves to hear you "make out" with each other, when the phone disconnected and the power went out. We had to go downstairs and sit in the dark with flashlights. Never in my life did I picture myself sitting in the dark, talking to some perv from Cincinnati while I made out with my hand and pretended like it was a girl. That was bizarre.

On top of that, last night was just weird. I had another two girl call with this guy who likes you to dress him up in your clothes while he calls you mommy. Very Norman Bates of him, really. Extraordinarily creepy. So, I'm on the phone with him and this girl, Taylor, whose voice is like nails on a chalkboard. She's a nice person, but the sound of her voice makes me want to hang myself. We had to take turns spanking him while he counted. Seriously. WTF.

Then there was this guy who called in that was super sub. boy. He wanted to be mocked for masturbating. He told me he was 41 and lived with his mom; that he was unemployed and had to borrow money to call the phone sex line, and that he sat in his car and masturbated watching high school girls. The super creepy part? He was totally lying about his life. There was no way he was 41, I could tell from his voice that he was much younger. Also, when I asked him how old his mom was, he said, "in her 50's". That math just does not add up, especially if he is in his forties. Having a mom who is only fifteen years or so older than you may not be such a stretch for my generation, but not likely in the 60s. Anyway, he wanted to be mocked for being a lame ass, which I was more than happy to do. However, when he came, he said, (and I quote)... "Ughhh. I'm making baby batter! I'm making baby batter!" .....What the fuck. Baby Batter? VOMIT.

The last, but far from least interesting guy was this hillbilly from Tennessee. He started out normal enough, but then he kept yelling at me. Loudly. So loudly, at one point he startled me so badly that I dropped the phone. He was full of things like, "ARE YOU GONNA MIND ME? YOU MIND ME!" and "You're MINE now, aren't you little girl? Are you gonna MIND ME? Don't you try to FAKE me. Are you FAKING ME?" Yikes. It was only truly funny though that I spent a half an hour agreeing that I belonged to him, only to have to tell him that his time was up and he was either going to have to buy more time or call back later when he was ready to get more time. He responded with something like, "FUCK THOSE RULES. YOU MIND ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" ha. So I just hung up on him instead. Mind him, my ass.

I hate these dumb motherfuckers. Oh well, I'm only working there for about two more months. I can live through that...but maybe not without trying to kill them.