One of the pitfalls of the location of my job is that it's located in this old house in a nicer part of town. However, since that house is relatively old (ie-old wiring, etc), the power goes out constantly. I've come in to pick up my check before when the power was out, but last night I had to actually work in the dark. Kammi and I were on a two girl call with the guy who loves to hear you "make out" with each other, when the phone disconnected and the power went out. We had to go downstairs and sit in the dark with flashlights. Never in my life did I picture myself sitting in the dark, talking to some perv from Cincinnati while I made out with my hand and pretended like it was a girl. That was bizarre.
On top of that, last night was just weird. I had another two girl call with this guy who likes you to dress him up in your clothes while he calls you mommy. Very Norman Bates of him, really. Extraordinarily creepy. So, I'm on the phone with him and this girl, Taylor, whose voice is like nails on a chalkboard. She's a nice person, but the sound of her voice makes me want to hang myself. We had to take turns spanking him while he counted. Seriously. WTF.
Then there was this guy who called in that was super sub. boy. He wanted to be mocked for masturbating. He told me he was 41 and lived with his mom; that he was unemployed and had to borrow money to call the phone sex line, and that he sat in his car and masturbated watching high school girls. The super creepy part? He was totally lying about his life. There was no way he was 41, I could tell from his voice that he was much younger. Also, when I asked him how old his mom was, he said, "in her 50's". That math just does not add up, especially if he is in his forties. Having a mom who is only fifteen years or so older than you may not be such a stretch for my generation, but not likely in the 60s. Anyway, he wanted to be mocked for being a lame ass, which I was more than happy to do. However, when he came, he said, (and I quote)... "Ughhh. I'm making baby batter! I'm making baby batter!" .....What the fuck. Baby Batter? VOMIT.
The last, but far from least interesting guy was this hillbilly from Tennessee. He started out normal enough, but then he kept yelling at me. Loudly. So loudly, at one point he startled me so badly that I dropped the phone. He was full of things like, "ARE YOU GONNA MIND ME? YOU MIND ME!" and "You're MINE now, aren't you little girl? Are you gonna MIND ME? Don't you try to FAKE me. Are you FAKING ME?" Yikes. It was only truly funny though that I spent a half an hour agreeing that I belonged to him, only to have to tell him that his time was up and he was either going to have to buy more time or call back later when he was ready to get more time. He responded with something like, "FUCK THOSE RULES. YOU MIND ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" ha. So I just hung up on him instead. Mind him, my ass.
I hate these dumb motherfuckers. Oh well, I'm only working there for about two more months. I can live through that...but maybe not without trying to kill them.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Phone Sex: The Fat Girl's Revenge
There's a little secret that none of the guys who call phone sex know. Or, at least, they pretend like they don't know, although some of the more intelligent ones have figured it out, I'm sure. This secret is that we are not all the drop dead gorgeous, sexually promiscuous girls we pretend to be. The truth of the matter is, if I'd done even 10% of the things I tell the guys, I would have died from STD overload a long time ago. The truth is that I can count the number of people I've slept with on one hand. The truth is that I have never been in a gangbang, never fucked a guy with a strapon, I don't do anal and I'm not a cuckold. I've never done it with my mother / brother / father / sister / grandma / dog / horse whatever. I don't do drugs and I'm certainly not the person that I pretend to be on the phone.
I'm not gonna lie, I get a kick out of these guys sometimes. You can talk to them and stereotype them as who they were back in high school. You know, the hot football player jocks who grew up to have a beer belly and a gold digger wife who is banging the lawn boy. Last night I was talking to someone who was telling me that the night before they'd hooked up with some girl at a fireworks display. Apparently she was his "type" meaning that she was really skinny, so skinny that he could actually feel her bones when he was touching her. Then of course he was like, "I bet you're really skinny like that too, huh? I could feel your bones too, I bet." I said yes, but in my head I laughed and thought to myself that I have probably not felt my bones since I was in the womb. heh.
Then there's another guy who calls, I've only talked to him twice--he buys his time with a money order and the last time I talked to him he had 1200 minutes. That's an expensive amount, close to three grand, probably. Anyway, I am pretty sure that this guy is mildly retarded. He always wants to talk about "boobies" and being molested when he was a kid. He starts talking, and I stop listening and then he goes, "Hey, haha, you wanna know something? You're getting horny now. I can tell. hahaha." Oh, yes, however did you know. Please, please, let me rip off all my clothes and masturbate for you. Then he asks me if I want to hear a joke. It went something like this: "I went to the doctor the other day, and he told me that I have a very serious disease. It's called boobie-a-citis and the only way to cure it is to suck on boobies all day long. HAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHA."
....really. That was the joke. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Then I actually have to talk to them, and anyone who knows me knows that I can't keep my feelings to myself. It's really hard for me not to just tell them how utterly pathetic they are.
Then there are the guys who make it patently obvious as to why they are calling the phone sex girls. They will sit and talk to you for a minute, interrupt you every two seconds so that you can't even get a sentence out, and then say "Start playing with yourself. Right now. Do it." They'll wait a second or two, until I start pretending, and then they'll go, "Yeah, that's it. Come for me. Come for me right now. RIGHT NOW." Okay, control freak. First of all, girls will not come anywhere near you if you KEEP INTERRUPTING THEM. Second of all, girls cannot just automatically orgasm after five seconds. Thirdly, you screaming at a girl to come is NOT going to help things along. Fucking jackasses. I feel bad for whoever they're fucking.
We're supposed to basically tell them whatever they want to hear, but sometimes I tell them the truth just to make them angry. heh. Like one guy last night was like, "Wouldn't it be so hot if you were sucking my cock and your mom was riding my face?" Yeah, the fucker was talking about my MOTHER. So I say, "No, actually, I think I would find it totally disgusting." Then he asked me, "I want you to tell me the truth. Have you ever let a dog lick your pussy?" So, since he wanted the truth, I told him no, at which point he goes, "YOU'RE LYING!" Oh. Right. Sorry I am such a dirty dirty liar. Then there is one guy who always calls right before I'm about to leave in the morning and wants to talk about how his girlfriend loves to fuck black guys because they have big dicks, and white guys should just never get laid. At which point, he says, "Zoe, come on, tell me the truth, you love to have a big black dick in you, don't you?" If I really don't want to him, I'll say, "No, honestly, I don't even care about the size of a guy's cock, as long as it's like, six inches or so, it doesn't really matter that much. After that, it just kind of hurts." Then he goes, "Don't lie to me, you love fucking black guys." So I say, "Actually, I've never been with a black guy, it's just never come up." I also tell him that I never let guys come inside of me, because I don't want to get the clap, or get pregnant--Then he gets mad and hangs up on me. Haha, I beat you. Who knew that babies and diseases were a buzzkill? ha.
The worst though, the thing that pisses me off the most, is when guys act surprised that I can actually carry on an intelligent conversation. I know I've bitched about this before, but come on. Last night I was talking to someone, and we'd been talking for about twenty minutes-he was basically boring the shit out of me, and finally I reacted to something that he said, I can't remember what though. All I know is that he said, "Wow, you actually just sounded mildly more intelligent." All I want to say when they do stuff like that is, "Really? Wow. Well you know I've had a 3.8 GPA for the last three quarters, while I'm going to school full time and working 55 hours a week. I am undoubtedly more well-read than you, and you are the pathetic loser who calls here and actually believes me when I tell you that I've fucked a dog."
I never say that though. Maybe some day...
I'm not gonna lie, I get a kick out of these guys sometimes. You can talk to them and stereotype them as who they were back in high school. You know, the hot football player jocks who grew up to have a beer belly and a gold digger wife who is banging the lawn boy. Last night I was talking to someone who was telling me that the night before they'd hooked up with some girl at a fireworks display. Apparently she was his "type" meaning that she was really skinny, so skinny that he could actually feel her bones when he was touching her. Then of course he was like, "I bet you're really skinny like that too, huh? I could feel your bones too, I bet." I said yes, but in my head I laughed and thought to myself that I have probably not felt my bones since I was in the womb. heh.
Then there's another guy who calls, I've only talked to him twice--he buys his time with a money order and the last time I talked to him he had 1200 minutes. That's an expensive amount, close to three grand, probably. Anyway, I am pretty sure that this guy is mildly retarded. He always wants to talk about "boobies" and being molested when he was a kid. He starts talking, and I stop listening and then he goes, "Hey, haha, you wanna know something? You're getting horny now. I can tell. hahaha." Oh, yes, however did you know. Please, please, let me rip off all my clothes and masturbate for you. Then he asks me if I want to hear a joke. It went something like this: "I went to the doctor the other day, and he told me that I have a very serious disease. It's called boobie-a-citis and the only way to cure it is to suck on boobies all day long. HAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHA."
....really. That was the joke. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Then I actually have to talk to them, and anyone who knows me knows that I can't keep my feelings to myself. It's really hard for me not to just tell them how utterly pathetic they are.
Then there are the guys who make it patently obvious as to why they are calling the phone sex girls. They will sit and talk to you for a minute, interrupt you every two seconds so that you can't even get a sentence out, and then say "Start playing with yourself. Right now. Do it." They'll wait a second or two, until I start pretending, and then they'll go, "Yeah, that's it. Come for me. Come for me right now. RIGHT NOW." Okay, control freak. First of all, girls will not come anywhere near you if you KEEP INTERRUPTING THEM. Second of all, girls cannot just automatically orgasm after five seconds. Thirdly, you screaming at a girl to come is NOT going to help things along. Fucking jackasses. I feel bad for whoever they're fucking.
We're supposed to basically tell them whatever they want to hear, but sometimes I tell them the truth just to make them angry. heh. Like one guy last night was like, "Wouldn't it be so hot if you were sucking my cock and your mom was riding my face?" Yeah, the fucker was talking about my MOTHER. So I say, "No, actually, I think I would find it totally disgusting." Then he asked me, "I want you to tell me the truth. Have you ever let a dog lick your pussy?" So, since he wanted the truth, I told him no, at which point he goes, "YOU'RE LYING!" Oh. Right. Sorry I am such a dirty dirty liar. Then there is one guy who always calls right before I'm about to leave in the morning and wants to talk about how his girlfriend loves to fuck black guys because they have big dicks, and white guys should just never get laid. At which point, he says, "Zoe, come on, tell me the truth, you love to have a big black dick in you, don't you?" If I really don't want to him, I'll say, "No, honestly, I don't even care about the size of a guy's cock, as long as it's like, six inches or so, it doesn't really matter that much. After that, it just kind of hurts." Then he goes, "Don't lie to me, you love fucking black guys." So I say, "Actually, I've never been with a black guy, it's just never come up." I also tell him that I never let guys come inside of me, because I don't want to get the clap, or get pregnant--Then he gets mad and hangs up on me. Haha, I beat you. Who knew that babies and diseases were a buzzkill? ha.
The worst though, the thing that pisses me off the most, is when guys act surprised that I can actually carry on an intelligent conversation. I know I've bitched about this before, but come on. Last night I was talking to someone, and we'd been talking for about twenty minutes-he was basically boring the shit out of me, and finally I reacted to something that he said, I can't remember what though. All I know is that he said, "Wow, you actually just sounded mildly more intelligent." All I want to say when they do stuff like that is, "Really? Wow. Well you know I've had a 3.8 GPA for the last three quarters, while I'm going to school full time and working 55 hours a week. I am undoubtedly more well-read than you, and you are the pathetic loser who calls here and actually believes me when I tell you that I've fucked a dog."
I never say that though. Maybe some day...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I started slacking...
I can never keep up a blog for long, but in my defense, I was on vacation for a few weeks. Anyway, there is just the same old same old in the phone sex world, except we hired a new girl who looks 17, has four kids and we're placing bets on whether or not she's a meth-head. Classy. Also, I started working a new shift (I was pretty much 9pm-5am and now I'm 11pm-7am). You wouldn't think that the two hours would make much of a difference, but I am so tired when I leave in the morning. Earlier today, at like, 6am, we were talking about how one of the guys calls one of the girls his "fuck pig" and she has to squeal like a pig every time she talks to him. That made me, for some reason, go into a raptor impression and go gallavanting around the office. It was really hysterical on no sleep. Anyway, onto some of the favorites.
We'll call this guy Mike. Now, Mike calls and I can practically write a script for how the conversation is going to go. He likes to have you come to his house, where he locks you into a room with him, puts you up on an examination table, and proceeds to work a giant dildo into you. EVERY TIME. I mean, seriously, how many times can we have the SAME CONVERSATION before you get bored? Today he called and was talking to a girl who had never talked to him before, and I stood behind her and was whispering all the things I knew he was saying. She would say, "Please don't hurt me." And he always says. "I won't. But you have to do exactly what I say. Can you do that?" Then you say, "I don't think that's going to fit!" and he says, "It will. We'll make it." Then when he has you jump up onto the table he goes, "Spread your legs. Come on, drop your knees. Drop them! Farther or we're going to use this on your ass instead." Her and I were both cracking up the whole time, because I was spot on. That's kind of twisted, actually.
Then there is another guy who calls in, and he goes, "I want you to tell me how you would kiss me from my toes up to my head, in detail." It takes forever, literally it took me like 14 minutes to describe it to him, and then he goes, "I want to rape you. You love it when I rape you. Okay, now you rape me. Rape me in the ass, and now I'll rape you in the ass. Tell me how much you love it. Tell me how much you love it when I rape you." Wait--what? Actually, I just remembered his name and googled him (totally against policy and procedures, by the way) and not only is he a stout Republican supporter, but he is also a lawyer. HAHAHA.
Then there's another one who called and had a super annoying voice. I can't remember what he wanted to talk about...I think we were talking about how I was going to ride him, and he was like, "Do it. Dooooo it. Dooooo it." I can't properly transpose how HILARIOUS hearing him say it was. Kind of New York street pimp meets Missi Elliot.
I did a two hour two girl call with a guy who likes to hear us make out on the phone. Do we really do it? OF COURSE NOT. I sit in my room, she sits in her room, and this poor sucker pays $3.99 to listen to us make out with our hands and moan. He also does this super strange thing where he wants to hear us chant back and forth to each other "I love the way we look together." Right. So we're moaning and chanting and pretending to go down on each other while he sits there in complete silence, interrupting occasionally to tell us, "You guys are really getting into it, aren't you?! I can really tell how comfortable you are with each other." Uh huh.
Oh, FUNNY THING. I forgot about this one. So there is a guy who calls in that I am sure I have mentioned before. He likes to be mocked for his small penis and always says things like, "I'm rubbing my twinkie" as code for masturbation. He is a total control freak and I am pretty sure he is either bipolar or schizophrenic. Oh, by the way, he runs an ENTIRE HOSPITAL. He's also a complete asshole all the time, to all the girls. So, he calls one day, and I get stuck talking to him. I hate this guy, because while I've never done a call with him, I most certainly have had to deal with him. He calls in thinking he's Mr. Bigshot and that he can buy out our company at any time he wants, and that he pays the salaries of all the girls that work there. Apparently, as he says, "he spends more money in a month than some of the girls make in a year." Congratulations. Please take the pathetic loser award on the left and get the fuck out. Anyway, so he calls and he starts by telling me what a caring and compassionate man he is, and how he always tries to be with the patients in the hospital when they're dying so that he can comfort them. Are you kidding?! DG is the LAST person I would want at my deathbed. I try to relate to him with a Grey's Anatomy reference and needless to say, he is NOT impressed. So, I ask him what he likes, and after he gets mad at me for a second over knowing who else at the company he talks to (like it's some big secret, it's right there on your card, dumb ass), he tells me that he likes being totally dominated, being made to feel worthless and being forced to say words he doesn't like. Apparently he "has so much power in his daily life, being responsible for the life and death of people, the future of people, it's nice to just give up control."
Are you kidding? Are you really giving me the go ahead to disrespect the biggest cocksucker who calls in? BRING IT ON. So, I lay it on thick. When he tells me he's rubbing his twinkie, I say, "DG, I'm not going to coddle you like everyone else does. Tell me you're stroking your cock. Stop being a fucking pathetic little boy and act like a man. You're totally worthless when you act like a pathetic loser." On and on. He took it for about 20 minutes, until he flipped out on me, and told me, "I DON'T LIKE THIS". Just like a four year old. I am pretty sure if I were there I would have seen him stamping his foot. He then said, "You can either do this my way, or I'll talk to someone else." Did Zoe apologize? No, Zoe did not. Zoe said, "That's fine. I'll see who else is available." hahahahha. I went to put him on hold, and heard him say something as I lowered the receiver, so I picked it back up and said, "Hey, sorry, I was going to find someone else for you. Did you say something?" To which he responds by screaming at me, "I SAID, DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT FOR ME?! DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT FOR ME?!" Of course I said, in my sweetest and most sarcastic phone sex girl voice, "No, actually, DG I don't have anything to say to you at all." I transferred him to someone else, and solved the problem of him ever wanting to talk to me again, since I clearly hit too close to him for his comfort, right? Of course not. An hour later, I get a request from him while I was on a call. Did I return his call? HELL NO. But those bitches always come crawling back for more.
Best quote of the past few days? Having some black guy want to be my slave (Reparations, what?) But not only that, he wanted me to sit on his face and give him some of my "sweet chocolate candies." GAG GAG GAG. Haha, but that's nothing compared to what one of the girls had to talk about....she had some crossdressing guy wanting to go down on her while she was on the rag. I almost puked listening to that, for real.
What the hell is wrong with you people?!
We'll call this guy Mike. Now, Mike calls and I can practically write a script for how the conversation is going to go. He likes to have you come to his house, where he locks you into a room with him, puts you up on an examination table, and proceeds to work a giant dildo into you. EVERY TIME. I mean, seriously, how many times can we have the SAME CONVERSATION before you get bored? Today he called and was talking to a girl who had never talked to him before, and I stood behind her and was whispering all the things I knew he was saying. She would say, "Please don't hurt me." And he always says. "I won't. But you have to do exactly what I say. Can you do that?" Then you say, "I don't think that's going to fit!" and he says, "It will. We'll make it." Then when he has you jump up onto the table he goes, "Spread your legs. Come on, drop your knees. Drop them! Farther or we're going to use this on your ass instead." Her and I were both cracking up the whole time, because I was spot on. That's kind of twisted, actually.
Then there is another guy who calls in, and he goes, "I want you to tell me how you would kiss me from my toes up to my head, in detail." It takes forever, literally it took me like 14 minutes to describe it to him, and then he goes, "I want to rape you. You love it when I rape you. Okay, now you rape me. Rape me in the ass, and now I'll rape you in the ass. Tell me how much you love it. Tell me how much you love it when I rape you." Wait--what? Actually, I just remembered his name and googled him (totally against policy and procedures, by the way) and not only is he a stout Republican supporter, but he is also a lawyer. HAHAHA.
Then there's another one who called and had a super annoying voice. I can't remember what he wanted to talk about...I think we were talking about how I was going to ride him, and he was like, "Do it. Dooooo it. Dooooo it." I can't properly transpose how HILARIOUS hearing him say it was. Kind of New York street pimp meets Missi Elliot.
I did a two hour two girl call with a guy who likes to hear us make out on the phone. Do we really do it? OF COURSE NOT. I sit in my room, she sits in her room, and this poor sucker pays $3.99 to listen to us make out with our hands and moan. He also does this super strange thing where he wants to hear us chant back and forth to each other "I love the way we look together." Right. So we're moaning and chanting and pretending to go down on each other while he sits there in complete silence, interrupting occasionally to tell us, "You guys are really getting into it, aren't you?! I can really tell how comfortable you are with each other." Uh huh.
Oh, FUNNY THING. I forgot about this one. So there is a guy who calls in that I am sure I have mentioned before. He likes to be mocked for his small penis and always says things like, "I'm rubbing my twinkie" as code for masturbation. He is a total control freak and I am pretty sure he is either bipolar or schizophrenic. Oh, by the way, he runs an ENTIRE HOSPITAL. He's also a complete asshole all the time, to all the girls. So, he calls one day, and I get stuck talking to him. I hate this guy, because while I've never done a call with him, I most certainly have had to deal with him. He calls in thinking he's Mr. Bigshot and that he can buy out our company at any time he wants, and that he pays the salaries of all the girls that work there. Apparently, as he says, "he spends more money in a month than some of the girls make in a year." Congratulations. Please take the pathetic loser award on the left and get the fuck out. Anyway, so he calls and he starts by telling me what a caring and compassionate man he is, and how he always tries to be with the patients in the hospital when they're dying so that he can comfort them. Are you kidding?! DG is the LAST person I would want at my deathbed. I try to relate to him with a Grey's Anatomy reference and needless to say, he is NOT impressed. So, I ask him what he likes, and after he gets mad at me for a second over knowing who else at the company he talks to (like it's some big secret, it's right there on your card, dumb ass), he tells me that he likes being totally dominated, being made to feel worthless and being forced to say words he doesn't like. Apparently he "has so much power in his daily life, being responsible for the life and death of people, the future of people, it's nice to just give up control."
Are you kidding? Are you really giving me the go ahead to disrespect the biggest cocksucker who calls in? BRING IT ON. So, I lay it on thick. When he tells me he's rubbing his twinkie, I say, "DG, I'm not going to coddle you like everyone else does. Tell me you're stroking your cock. Stop being a fucking pathetic little boy and act like a man. You're totally worthless when you act like a pathetic loser." On and on. He took it for about 20 minutes, until he flipped out on me, and told me, "I DON'T LIKE THIS". Just like a four year old. I am pretty sure if I were there I would have seen him stamping his foot. He then said, "You can either do this my way, or I'll talk to someone else." Did Zoe apologize? No, Zoe did not. Zoe said, "That's fine. I'll see who else is available." hahahahha. I went to put him on hold, and heard him say something as I lowered the receiver, so I picked it back up and said, "Hey, sorry, I was going to find someone else for you. Did you say something?" To which he responds by screaming at me, "I SAID, DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT FOR ME?! DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT FOR ME?!" Of course I said, in my sweetest and most sarcastic phone sex girl voice, "No, actually, DG I don't have anything to say to you at all." I transferred him to someone else, and solved the problem of him ever wanting to talk to me again, since I clearly hit too close to him for his comfort, right? Of course not. An hour later, I get a request from him while I was on a call. Did I return his call? HELL NO. But those bitches always come crawling back for more.
Best quote of the past few days? Having some black guy want to be my slave (Reparations, what?) But not only that, he wanted me to sit on his face and give him some of my "sweet chocolate candies." GAG GAG GAG. Haha, but that's nothing compared to what one of the girls had to talk about....she had some crossdressing guy wanting to go down on her while she was on the rag. I almost puked listening to that, for real.
What the hell is wrong with you people?!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The phone sex gods have been funny lately
Seriously? Seriously.
The Virgin:
Sometimes guys call in and I am pretty sure that they are very inexperienced. They would never admit to that, of course, but I can basically tell just by the way they talk. Take this guy from the other night...he apparently lived in my town, and was asking me all kinds of crazy questions, like where I lived and if we could hang out sometime. Sure, come knock on my door, and you would have no idea that I was the girl who was getting you off on the phone last night. So then, he was like, "I'm so good, I'm so good at sex, they call me....the macdaddy." What? Are you fucking joking? He follows that up with "I'd fuck you so hard, I'd do it so hard that I would.....come inside you. Yeah. That's right." Wow, you know, I thought that's what usually happened in this situation. He also kept saying that he was going to "spank" my "butt". Can you at least say that you're going to smack my ass? Spanking my butt makes me feel like a very poorly behaved child. My suspicion that he was a virgin was confirmed with this though: "My dick is so big. Really, it's really really big. It's so huge. It's like, six inches."
....okay. While six inches isn't small, I'd classify it as around average. Not really really big. So to my MacDaddy with the huge cock, thanks for making me laugh, even if I had to put the phone on mute to do it.
You're Fat, Aren't You?:
Okay, you guys have to understand that Zoe is sometimes an ego boost. She's hot, okay? And she has guys telling her that she's hot all night long. Sure, I'm not her, I look nothing like her, but I get kind of attached to her...just like an actress who has a specific character. It's exactly the same thing. So, needless to say, I get a little defensive of her. Now, like I said, Zoe's hot. She's 5'4'', 110, measurments are 34C 26 34. That's pretty damn close to perfect, because she's FAKE, right? I mean, damn, if I'm going to pretend to be something I'm not, I'm going to make myself as close to perfection as I can. So, I'm talking to this guy on the phone the other night, and when I tell him my measurments, he's like, "That's kind of....big, isn't it?" I'm floored, because I've never gotten THAT reaction before. So, I answer him with, "I 0nly weigh 110!" He goes, "Well, yeah, that's kind of heavy isn't it?" Me: "....are you calling me fat?" Him: "Well, I'm just saying, that seems like kind of a lot if you're only 5'4''." Good god, I would hate to hear what this guy would say about ME. No wonder you have to call phone sex, champ.
The Guys Can Get a Little Mean...:
Sometimes, I wonder why certain guys are calling us. They are really awesome to talk to, they're funny and can make me laugh, and we can actually have a fun, flirty conversation. But then there are guys who it's really no surprise that they have to call. No surprise at all. You know why? Because they're MEAN. Girls like guys who know what they want and everything, sure, but these guys are real jackasses. You know, the kind who don't tip their waiters and treat their family like their servants. I hate those guys. Like this guy last night who called. He wanted to talk to a specific girl who was on the phone, so instead, he wanted to talk to everyone else to see if "they would do". Apparently, he told the SL that "He would know within ten seconds" if we were what he wanted. He went through me and three other girls before hanging up. He wasn't nice about it either; he was all like, "Okay, you're not what I want. Next." Sure, he has every right to talk to who he wants to, as he is paying for it, but that doesn't mean he has to be a jerk about it. He's not the only one like that either. I can't remember if I wrote about this before or not, but one day I was talking to someone, and they always ask how I became involved with the company and why. So I told him that I just needed the extra money, and he goes, "Oh, you couldn't go out and get a real job like everyone else? You just thought you'd take the easy way out and become a PHONE SLUT, right?" Okay, mr. angry, first of all, if you think there is anything -easy- about being surrounded by you perverts all day, you're wrong. Second of all, I do have a "real job" but the hours for this job made it a good second job. And thirdly, who are you to judge me? Yeah, sure, call me a phone slut, but you're still the loser who calls twice a day. Some guys could have gotten away with saying something like that, in a playful manner or whatever, but he was just plain mean. I don't like it when you guys are mean.
Then There Are the Sad Ones...
Sometimes, I think that instead of an orgasm, these guys just need therapy. I'd honestly rather talk to a hundred assholes than one sad guy. The sad guys are terrible to talk to, because they are really just calling you to talk, and tell you horrible stories about their lives. The kinds of things that leave you speechless and ready to cry. There's the guy who's pretty old, late sixties, and he swears he's never been in love. He just talks about all the dating services and stuff that have screwed him over, and then he sings Elvis songs to me. Then there's the guy who's a Vietnam vet and lost both of his legs in the war. He tells you all about it, and then tells you that he uses a blowup doll to get off. He also lives with his mother, and for that reason, he has to be pretty quiet, although she's come in before while I'm talking to him. The whole thing makes me sad. The worst though is this guy who calls and talks about his dead wife. She's been dead for fifteen years or so. The last time I talked to him, he started talking about the poem on her gravestone and then he started crying. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Emotion makes me undeniably uncomfortable. A therapist would probably be cheaper and more sympathetic and well trained to deal with your psychological issues.
You guys are creepy sometimes. I'm just sayin'.
The Virgin:
Sometimes guys call in and I am pretty sure that they are very inexperienced. They would never admit to that, of course, but I can basically tell just by the way they talk. Take this guy from the other night...he apparently lived in my town, and was asking me all kinds of crazy questions, like where I lived and if we could hang out sometime. Sure, come knock on my door, and you would have no idea that I was the girl who was getting you off on the phone last night. So then, he was like, "I'm so good, I'm so good at sex, they call me....the macdaddy." What? Are you fucking joking? He follows that up with "I'd fuck you so hard, I'd do it so hard that I would.....come inside you. Yeah. That's right." Wow, you know, I thought that's what usually happened in this situation. He also kept saying that he was going to "spank" my "butt". Can you at least say that you're going to smack my ass? Spanking my butt makes me feel like a very poorly behaved child. My suspicion that he was a virgin was confirmed with this though: "My dick is so big. Really, it's really really big. It's so huge. It's like, six inches."
....okay. While six inches isn't small, I'd classify it as around average. Not really really big. So to my MacDaddy with the huge cock, thanks for making me laugh, even if I had to put the phone on mute to do it.
You're Fat, Aren't You?:
Okay, you guys have to understand that Zoe is sometimes an ego boost. She's hot, okay? And she has guys telling her that she's hot all night long. Sure, I'm not her, I look nothing like her, but I get kind of attached to her...just like an actress who has a specific character. It's exactly the same thing. So, needless to say, I get a little defensive of her. Now, like I said, Zoe's hot. She's 5'4'', 110, measurments are 34C 26 34. That's pretty damn close to perfect, because she's FAKE, right? I mean, damn, if I'm going to pretend to be something I'm not, I'm going to make myself as close to perfection as I can. So, I'm talking to this guy on the phone the other night, and when I tell him my measurments, he's like, "That's kind of....big, isn't it?" I'm floored, because I've never gotten THAT reaction before. So, I answer him with, "I 0nly weigh 110!" He goes, "Well, yeah, that's kind of heavy isn't it?" Me: "....are you calling me fat?" Him: "Well, I'm just saying, that seems like kind of a lot if you're only 5'4''." Good god, I would hate to hear what this guy would say about ME. No wonder you have to call phone sex, champ.
The Guys Can Get a Little Mean...:
Sometimes, I wonder why certain guys are calling us. They are really awesome to talk to, they're funny and can make me laugh, and we can actually have a fun, flirty conversation. But then there are guys who it's really no surprise that they have to call. No surprise at all. You know why? Because they're MEAN. Girls like guys who know what they want and everything, sure, but these guys are real jackasses. You know, the kind who don't tip their waiters and treat their family like their servants. I hate those guys. Like this guy last night who called. He wanted to talk to a specific girl who was on the phone, so instead, he wanted to talk to everyone else to see if "they would do". Apparently, he told the SL that "He would know within ten seconds" if we were what he wanted. He went through me and three other girls before hanging up. He wasn't nice about it either; he was all like, "Okay, you're not what I want. Next." Sure, he has every right to talk to who he wants to, as he is paying for it, but that doesn't mean he has to be a jerk about it. He's not the only one like that either. I can't remember if I wrote about this before or not, but one day I was talking to someone, and they always ask how I became involved with the company and why. So I told him that I just needed the extra money, and he goes, "Oh, you couldn't go out and get a real job like everyone else? You just thought you'd take the easy way out and become a PHONE SLUT, right?" Okay, mr. angry, first of all, if you think there is anything -easy- about being surrounded by you perverts all day, you're wrong. Second of all, I do have a "real job" but the hours for this job made it a good second job. And thirdly, who are you to judge me? Yeah, sure, call me a phone slut, but you're still the loser who calls twice a day. Some guys could have gotten away with saying something like that, in a playful manner or whatever, but he was just plain mean. I don't like it when you guys are mean.
Then There Are the Sad Ones...
Sometimes, I think that instead of an orgasm, these guys just need therapy. I'd honestly rather talk to a hundred assholes than one sad guy. The sad guys are terrible to talk to, because they are really just calling you to talk, and tell you horrible stories about their lives. The kinds of things that leave you speechless and ready to cry. There's the guy who's pretty old, late sixties, and he swears he's never been in love. He just talks about all the dating services and stuff that have screwed him over, and then he sings Elvis songs to me. Then there's the guy who's a Vietnam vet and lost both of his legs in the war. He tells you all about it, and then tells you that he uses a blowup doll to get off. He also lives with his mother, and for that reason, he has to be pretty quiet, although she's come in before while I'm talking to him. The whole thing makes me sad. The worst though is this guy who calls and talks about his dead wife. She's been dead for fifteen years or so. The last time I talked to him, he started talking about the poem on her gravestone and then he started crying. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Emotion makes me undeniably uncomfortable. A therapist would probably be cheaper and more sympathetic and well trained to deal with your psychological issues.
You guys are creepy sometimes. I'm just sayin'.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
You're a Good Sport, Kiddo.
I know, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. My life's been busy and the phone sex world has been pretty slow. However, I'm back again with a few little gems that you might find interesting.
No Fat Girls:
So, there's this guy who likes to call in and talk about little girls (surprise surprise, that's like, 40% of these pervs). So, he wants me to talk to him about the little girls I know so that he can pick one out and then I can teach her how to give him head. You have to understand, the little girl stuff doesn't really bother me anymore (to an extent) because I know these guys are all fucking pathetic and full of shit...they won't ever do anything about their fantasies, thank goodness. So, anyway, I start to list off girls, and he asks me the name one, because he thinks she sounds pretty, and I make up a name, and he gets all mad and says, "No, I don't want her. That's my neice's name." Oh, so you can talk about abusing other little girls, but when it's in your family, you think you can get offended? Whatever. So then I start to tell him about another one, and I'm like, "oh yeah, she's really cute. She's got this adorable round little face" and he freaks out and starts yelling, "NO. NO NO NO. NO FAT GIRLS". Bitch, did I say she was fat? This is why you can't sleep with girls your own age...because you're fucking psychotic. Got it. No fat girls.
Bark Like a Dog
One morning someone calls in on the 800/900 number. I ask him if he wants to know what I look like, and he goes, "No. You're my wife, and you're upstairs sleeping. I come up and wake you up to tell you that Bob is here. You let Bob fuck you to get rid of my gambling debt. You pretend you don't like it, but you really do." Oh. Right, got it. Because whoring your wife out to cover your ass is so hot. Anyway, so I go along with him, and all of a sudden he mumbles something. What? "I said, bark like a dog." Uhhh. Okay. And so I attempt, but I don't think I was very good at it. It was more like an "aarf" than an actual bark. When he got off the phone he said, "Thanks kiddo, you're a good sport." Right. Did you just call me kiddo? Just checking, because you know you just masturbated, came to me barking like a dog, and now you call me KIDDO? Whatev.
I Fed Her Some X:
There's another big perv who calls and likes to talk about kidnapping little girls. This time though, he wanted to take me and my "little sister". So he took us to his house, and then into the sauna. We all sat in there, with our clothes on, until eventually, he 'took' my little sister out and got her drunk on scotch. Then he came back with her and was like, "Oh, I fed her some x and now I'm going to have her pee on your face." What?! But luckily he was like, "Hey, hold on for a second." When he comes back, I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Oh, sorry, my wife's having a party right now." Your wife. Is having a party. While you hide and talk to the phone sex girl. About drugging little girls with ecstacy? You're one sick mother fucker.
Penis Sucker:
There's another guy who calls all the time. He fantasizes about giving blowjobs to little boys, and he likes to be called a "panty wearing, penis sucking, sperm swallowing faggot boy". Really. That whole string, in order, or else. And you have to say peeeeenis. So, anyway, he's like, "Zoe, I want you to tell all the girls there. Tell them what a panty wearing, peeeenis sucking, sperm swallowing faggot boy I am!" And I'm like, "Dude, they already know. Everyone here knows what a little faggot boy you are." And he's like, all turned on by that, so I take it a step further and I'm like, "What if I told all your friends? Would you like that?" And he's all like, "Yes. Ohh, that makes my little peeeeenis feel so good" haha. So then, because I am a bitch, and because I know that he's almost been caught on several occasions, I say, "What if I told your wife?" And he GASPS, really loudly, and proceeds to beg me not too. It took me forever to get him calmed down, but it was totally worth it to hear the terror in his voice. Fucking pervert.
Tattoos and Piercings:
Another guy called on the 800/900 line the other day, and he was trying to sound like a total badass. He was like, "I've got lots of piercings. I've got a Jacob's ladder (if you don't know what that is, go http://www.imperialbodyart.com/piercing/below/jacob.jpg ) and a Prince Albert (again, go here: http://www.staircasetattoo.com/MediaFiles/piercing_gallery/7.jpg)" Yikes. Then he follows that up with, "I like girls who are shaved too. I don't like to floss while I eat." GROSS GROSS GROSS. Anyway, he then starts to tell me about his tattoo on his back. "Yeah, it's all people I respect. Ya know, Lisa 'left eye' Lopez, Alyiah, Biggie....and then on the top it says 'Rest in Peace' across my shoulders." Wow, you're a winnnnnner, white boy. He goes on with, "Yeah, I have a dungeon in my basement where I take my girls. I take them down there and I......I.....I spank 'em. I spank 'em good....with a whip. I wear a leather mask when I do it too." At this point I'm starting to think this guy is a complete freakshow, when his next sentence stops me cold. "Hey, hold on a second. My cookies are done." Wait, what? "Oh yeah, I bake too. I just made some sugar cookies." ............................. -_-.
The Personal Lives of Phone Sex Girls:
So, anytime I start to feel bad about my life, I get stories about the personal lives of the girls that I work with that make me feel way better. I mean, I'm just a normal college kid, as are some of the others, but some of them, man, you can't make this stuff up.
The Gangbanger: There's this girl that works there who has the craziest stories. We're actually friends outside of work, although I don't know if we'll ever actually hang out because her life scares me. But, her boyfriend is a drug dealer....actually, she's the second girl I know there whose boyfriend deals....what's that tell you? Anyway, her boyfriend is a dealer, and he pissed some people off. They showed up at her house, with a gun, and kept her locked up in her room for a night until she could sneak out. I'd think she was lying, but she's not the type to make shit up. Then, I lent her some money a few weeks ago, not much, like ten bucks. But her boyfriend found out, and when he did, he literally beat the shit out of her. I was so mad, and I felt kind of guilty...but she's still with him. I will never understand girls like that.
The Mental Case: Then there's another girl there who is really nice. She's not too attractive, but she's still a nice person. She starts telling me about her fiance, who I come to find out is 43. Cool...except this girl is 22. What the fuck are you doing? And he has kids who are 18 and 20. I'd be PISSED if I were them. She goes on to tell me that he's still married, but he's getting a divorce soon, and in the meantime the two of them (the girl I know and her boyfriend) live together...although for awhile he was banging his wife and coming home and telling the girl about it....and she stayed with him. What is wrong with people? She was also telling me about the engagement ring that he bought her, and she was all excited about it....and she kept telling me how much it cost....which was $500.00. Five hundred dollars. Okay, maybe if both of you are in college and really struggling, spending 500 bucks on a ring is okay, because it's the thought that counts. But, when you are a grown man in his fourties, a five hundred dollar ring is NOT OKAY. I'm not a materialistic person, but let's get serious here.
Hopefully I'll come up with some good stuff this weekend. Be safe.
No Fat Girls:
So, there's this guy who likes to call in and talk about little girls (surprise surprise, that's like, 40% of these pervs). So, he wants me to talk to him about the little girls I know so that he can pick one out and then I can teach her how to give him head. You have to understand, the little girl stuff doesn't really bother me anymore (to an extent) because I know these guys are all fucking pathetic and full of shit...they won't ever do anything about their fantasies, thank goodness. So, anyway, I start to list off girls, and he asks me the name one, because he thinks she sounds pretty, and I make up a name, and he gets all mad and says, "No, I don't want her. That's my neice's name." Oh, so you can talk about abusing other little girls, but when it's in your family, you think you can get offended? Whatever. So then I start to tell him about another one, and I'm like, "oh yeah, she's really cute. She's got this adorable round little face" and he freaks out and starts yelling, "NO. NO NO NO. NO FAT GIRLS". Bitch, did I say she was fat? This is why you can't sleep with girls your own age...because you're fucking psychotic. Got it. No fat girls.
Bark Like a Dog
One morning someone calls in on the 800/900 number. I ask him if he wants to know what I look like, and he goes, "No. You're my wife, and you're upstairs sleeping. I come up and wake you up to tell you that Bob is here. You let Bob fuck you to get rid of my gambling debt. You pretend you don't like it, but you really do." Oh. Right, got it. Because whoring your wife out to cover your ass is so hot. Anyway, so I go along with him, and all of a sudden he mumbles something. What? "I said, bark like a dog." Uhhh. Okay. And so I attempt, but I don't think I was very good at it. It was more like an "aarf" than an actual bark. When he got off the phone he said, "Thanks kiddo, you're a good sport." Right. Did you just call me kiddo? Just checking, because you know you just masturbated, came to me barking like a dog, and now you call me KIDDO? Whatev.
I Fed Her Some X:
There's another big perv who calls and likes to talk about kidnapping little girls. This time though, he wanted to take me and my "little sister". So he took us to his house, and then into the sauna. We all sat in there, with our clothes on, until eventually, he 'took' my little sister out and got her drunk on scotch. Then he came back with her and was like, "Oh, I fed her some x and now I'm going to have her pee on your face." What?! But luckily he was like, "Hey, hold on for a second." When he comes back, I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Oh, sorry, my wife's having a party right now." Your wife. Is having a party. While you hide and talk to the phone sex girl. About drugging little girls with ecstacy? You're one sick mother fucker.
Penis Sucker:
There's another guy who calls all the time. He fantasizes about giving blowjobs to little boys, and he likes to be called a "panty wearing, penis sucking, sperm swallowing faggot boy". Really. That whole string, in order, or else. And you have to say peeeeenis. So, anyway, he's like, "Zoe, I want you to tell all the girls there. Tell them what a panty wearing, peeeenis sucking, sperm swallowing faggot boy I am!" And I'm like, "Dude, they already know. Everyone here knows what a little faggot boy you are." And he's like, all turned on by that, so I take it a step further and I'm like, "What if I told all your friends? Would you like that?" And he's all like, "Yes. Ohh, that makes my little peeeeenis feel so good" haha. So then, because I am a bitch, and because I know that he's almost been caught on several occasions, I say, "What if I told your wife?" And he GASPS, really loudly, and proceeds to beg me not too. It took me forever to get him calmed down, but it was totally worth it to hear the terror in his voice. Fucking pervert.
Tattoos and Piercings:
Another guy called on the 800/900 line the other day, and he was trying to sound like a total badass. He was like, "I've got lots of piercings. I've got a Jacob's ladder (if you don't know what that is, go http://www.imperialbodyart.com/piercing/below/jacob.jpg ) and a Prince Albert (again, go here: http://www.staircasetattoo.com/MediaFiles/piercing_gallery/7.jpg)" Yikes. Then he follows that up with, "I like girls who are shaved too. I don't like to floss while I eat." GROSS GROSS GROSS. Anyway, he then starts to tell me about his tattoo on his back. "Yeah, it's all people I respect. Ya know, Lisa 'left eye' Lopez, Alyiah, Biggie....and then on the top it says 'Rest in Peace' across my shoulders." Wow, you're a winnnnnner, white boy. He goes on with, "Yeah, I have a dungeon in my basement where I take my girls. I take them down there and I......I.....I spank 'em. I spank 'em good....with a whip. I wear a leather mask when I do it too." At this point I'm starting to think this guy is a complete freakshow, when his next sentence stops me cold. "Hey, hold on a second. My cookies are done." Wait, what? "Oh yeah, I bake too. I just made some sugar cookies." ............................. -_-.
The Personal Lives of Phone Sex Girls:
So, anytime I start to feel bad about my life, I get stories about the personal lives of the girls that I work with that make me feel way better. I mean, I'm just a normal college kid, as are some of the others, but some of them, man, you can't make this stuff up.
The Gangbanger: There's this girl that works there who has the craziest stories. We're actually friends outside of work, although I don't know if we'll ever actually hang out because her life scares me. But, her boyfriend is a drug dealer....actually, she's the second girl I know there whose boyfriend deals....what's that tell you? Anyway, her boyfriend is a dealer, and he pissed some people off. They showed up at her house, with a gun, and kept her locked up in her room for a night until she could sneak out. I'd think she was lying, but she's not the type to make shit up. Then, I lent her some money a few weeks ago, not much, like ten bucks. But her boyfriend found out, and when he did, he literally beat the shit out of her. I was so mad, and I felt kind of guilty...but she's still with him. I will never understand girls like that.
The Mental Case: Then there's another girl there who is really nice. She's not too attractive, but she's still a nice person. She starts telling me about her fiance, who I come to find out is 43. Cool...except this girl is 22. What the fuck are you doing? And he has kids who are 18 and 20. I'd be PISSED if I were them. She goes on to tell me that he's still married, but he's getting a divorce soon, and in the meantime the two of them (the girl I know and her boyfriend) live together...although for awhile he was banging his wife and coming home and telling the girl about it....and she stayed with him. What is wrong with people? She was also telling me about the engagement ring that he bought her, and she was all excited about it....and she kept telling me how much it cost....which was $500.00. Five hundred dollars. Okay, maybe if both of you are in college and really struggling, spending 500 bucks on a ring is okay, because it's the thought that counts. But, when you are a grown man in his fourties, a five hundred dollar ring is NOT OKAY. I'm not a materialistic person, but let's get serious here.
Hopefully I'll come up with some good stuff this weekend. Be safe.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The world is full of perverts
So last night was exceptionally slow. I literally only did four calls, although one of them was seventy minutes, the rest were between 10-15. Anyway, since everything was so slow, I can tell you about all my calls last night, and let me tell you, the perverts were out in full force last night. It must be a full moon...
I like anything kinky...: So, this guy was a real winner. He wanted me to pretend to be his fourteen year old stepdaughter, then he wanted to walk in on my boyfriend and I. It went downhill from there. I can't even really talk about it without wanting to vomit. Eventually in his fantasy he ended up fucking me, having my boyfriend fuck him and piss in his mouth, and then he wanted to bring my "mom" into the whole thing....along with our dog. Nope, not kidding. He wanted to have the dog fuck me, and orgasm inside me so he could lick it out. GROSS. I fucking hate everyone.
You Can't Take It: Then there was a guy who called in on the 900 number. He'd been talking to one of the other girls first, but then he wanted to talk to me. He was crazy, he kept telling me that I couldn't take his "huge 11.5 inch cock" because I was too small. Then he tried to get my phone number, because, "What if you want this dick outside of this? Hmmm?" Then he made me tell him I loved him. SHUT UP. I don't love you fucking dirty men, I think you should be castrated, but hey, if you want to confuse that with love, whatever.
The Rest: Actually, I'm bored with these people, so you get them all under one heading. The first one called and wanted me to help him kidnap a little girl so that we could play with her together. Gross. Luckily for me, he came before anything really happened and I didn't have to talk about it. My last caller was some stupid pussy boy, who called right when I was supposed to be getting off work, so it was actually pretty easy for me to be mean to him. Stupid fucker.
The people who call are sometimes extraordinarily creepy. There was someone who called last night, and luckily the two girls he wanted to talk to weren't in yesterday and he didn't want to talk to me. Apparently he likes you to narrate a story about kidnapping, raping, torturing and killing little girls. I fucking HATE people. Seriously. Sometimes this place is too much for me, when I have to deal with sick bastards like that.
However, the highlight of the night was the call that one of the girls happened to get while I was in the room. It was some guy who was obsessed with girl scouts who sell cookies. All I heard was, "Oh yeah, will you buy some tagalongs for me? Or would you rather try a bite of my thin mints? You know, every time I make you cum, you have to buy a box of cookies, and I'm very dedicated to making my goals."
haha. I hate everyone today.
Also, then one of the girls wanted to talk to me about her sex life. Like, her real sex life. Okay, first of all, you are not exactly an attractive person. Your boyfriend is pretty fucking ugly too. I don't want to hear about how you love it when guys bottom out against your cervix, nor do I want to hear about how your fat boyfriend has a little dick and can't do it. SHUT UP.
ARGGG.
I like anything kinky...: So, this guy was a real winner. He wanted me to pretend to be his fourteen year old stepdaughter, then he wanted to walk in on my boyfriend and I. It went downhill from there. I can't even really talk about it without wanting to vomit. Eventually in his fantasy he ended up fucking me, having my boyfriend fuck him and piss in his mouth, and then he wanted to bring my "mom" into the whole thing....along with our dog. Nope, not kidding. He wanted to have the dog fuck me, and orgasm inside me so he could lick it out. GROSS. I fucking hate everyone.
You Can't Take It: Then there was a guy who called in on the 900 number. He'd been talking to one of the other girls first, but then he wanted to talk to me. He was crazy, he kept telling me that I couldn't take his "huge 11.5 inch cock" because I was too small. Then he tried to get my phone number, because, "What if you want this dick outside of this? Hmmm?" Then he made me tell him I loved him. SHUT UP. I don't love you fucking dirty men, I think you should be castrated, but hey, if you want to confuse that with love, whatever.
The Rest: Actually, I'm bored with these people, so you get them all under one heading. The first one called and wanted me to help him kidnap a little girl so that we could play with her together. Gross. Luckily for me, he came before anything really happened and I didn't have to talk about it. My last caller was some stupid pussy boy, who called right when I was supposed to be getting off work, so it was actually pretty easy for me to be mean to him. Stupid fucker.
The people who call are sometimes extraordinarily creepy. There was someone who called last night, and luckily the two girls he wanted to talk to weren't in yesterday and he didn't want to talk to me. Apparently he likes you to narrate a story about kidnapping, raping, torturing and killing little girls. I fucking HATE people. Seriously. Sometimes this place is too much for me, when I have to deal with sick bastards like that.
However, the highlight of the night was the call that one of the girls happened to get while I was in the room. It was some guy who was obsessed with girl scouts who sell cookies. All I heard was, "Oh yeah, will you buy some tagalongs for me? Or would you rather try a bite of my thin mints? You know, every time I make you cum, you have to buy a box of cookies, and I'm very dedicated to making my goals."
haha. I hate everyone today.
Also, then one of the girls wanted to talk to me about her sex life. Like, her real sex life. Okay, first of all, you are not exactly an attractive person. Your boyfriend is pretty fucking ugly too. I don't want to hear about how you love it when guys bottom out against your cervix, nor do I want to hear about how your fat boyfriend has a little dick and can't do it. SHUT UP.
ARGGG.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
He was from such a good family...
Last night was a really, really long night. I came in early for one of the girls, and let me tell you, nine hours of phone sex is too many for me. Plus, I don't know if it was just because it was friday night, or what, but there were a bunch of crazies calling in.
The Night of the Jacker: So, for about an hour last night, I kept getting two guys calling in on both our lines. I accidentally made the mistake of telling one of them my name a few months ago, when I first started. We're not supposed to tell them anything about ourselves until we've verified that they are an actual client, or, if they're new, until we have all of their information...mainly to avoid situations like this. So there's this guy who calls and he pretends like he has a stutter, but apparently according to one of the other girls, he doesn't. So, he sits and stutters on the phone because it gives him more time to jack off. Gross. So, anyway, ever since I told him my name, he has had this obsession with talking to me, so when he found out that I was working last night, he wouldn't stop calling. I was being a total bitch to him too, to make him stop, because I'd pick up the phone and say hello, and he'd say something stupid, like, "Do you like me? You want my dick, don't you?" Or my favorite little gem, "I just came for you." Gross. Don't cum for me...yuck. Haha, but when he said that, I was like, "Wow, that's fabulous. NOW STOP CALLING." Finally, the last time he called I said to him, "If you call one more time, I am going to report you for telephone harrassment. Do you know what they'll do to you for that?" Then he hung up on me and didn't call anymore. Zoe: 1 Jackers: 0. So, then there was another guy who kept calling, and I swear to god these fools need ettiquette classes or something. I think they just like the idea of being able to say whatever they want to a girl without fear of a lawsuit or a slap in the face. So this one guy kept calling me and asking me if I would do all these dirty things to him. It was getting really old, so finally when he said, "Come on baby, you want to suck my dick, don't you?" I said, "Not even if you paid me a lot of money" and hung up on him. He didn't call back either. Guys and their egos are really funny. Zoe: 2, Jackers: 0
Such a Good Family: So, there's this guy who I have talked to twice now. He's crazy. He likes to be tied up, and he likes it when you tease him, and then fuck other guys in front of him, or fuck him but don't let him cum. So, anyway, he never really says anything much on the phone, he just likes to watch (or listen, as it were). So, he's amazingly boring, and it was pretty late. The hardest part of my night starts around 3:30 or so, it's so hard for me to make it through that last hour and a half or so, because I get so tired. So, I'm stuck on the phone with McBoring, and I kind of fell asleep. Not the snoring kind of sleep, but that haze that you get when you're in a boring class or meeting, you can still manage to take notes and stuff, but they're pure nonsense. So I was still talking, which is no surprise, since I do actually talk in my sleep, but I wasn't making a bit of sense. I started having a dream about Jesus and Judas (uhh, don't ask, I don't know why) and Judas was being hung and everyone was talking about it, and I actually woke myself up by saying, "But he came from such a good family". The guy I was talking to was like, "What?" And I had to cover it up and say, "Oh, I don't know...mmm. I love fucking you." Right. I love it so much I'd rather fall asleep and dream about Judas and Jesus. Then, I kept zoning out and forgetting who was supposed to be fucking who and who was watching, and I'd go from one to the other almost indiscriminantly. Luckily for me, he didn't seem like he noticed. This guy was also funny because he told me he hadn't gotten laid in almost a year--but then he defended himself by saying, "But, I've been working out in the middle of no where, and all the girls out there are big and ugly, and I'm not going to settle for junk." I love the male psyche. You guys are winners, you know that, right?
Good Thing I Wore My Stilettos: I think this call made me feel more uncomfortable than any one I've had so far. This guy was strange to begin with, he wanted me to take off my stilettos and well, sorry, this is gross, but fuck him in the ass with the heel. Yuck. So, whatever, I mean, it's definitely not the first time I've heard that. It's still disturbing, but that's fine, I can do that. So, we're talking about it and all of a sudden he gets really serious and says, "Hey Zoe" and I'm like, "Yeah?" and he says, "Tell me you love me." Me: "Uhhhhh...." I have issues with that word anyway, and I have a really hard time trying to sound honest saying it to some guy who currently is imagining me sliding a heel up his butt. I said it though, and then he was like, "Oh, I love you too. I love you so much." STOP BEING CREEPY. STOP IT. Leave the phone sex girl alone, they do not pay me enough to listen to your declarations of love.
That's really all I can remember from last night that's amusing. There are some creepers out there...and girls, keep an eye on your shoes, you never know what's going to happen to them if you turn your back. Yikes.
The Night of the Jacker: So, for about an hour last night, I kept getting two guys calling in on both our lines. I accidentally made the mistake of telling one of them my name a few months ago, when I first started. We're not supposed to tell them anything about ourselves until we've verified that they are an actual client, or, if they're new, until we have all of their information...mainly to avoid situations like this. So there's this guy who calls and he pretends like he has a stutter, but apparently according to one of the other girls, he doesn't. So, he sits and stutters on the phone because it gives him more time to jack off. Gross. So, anyway, ever since I told him my name, he has had this obsession with talking to me, so when he found out that I was working last night, he wouldn't stop calling. I was being a total bitch to him too, to make him stop, because I'd pick up the phone and say hello, and he'd say something stupid, like, "Do you like me? You want my dick, don't you?" Or my favorite little gem, "I just came for you." Gross. Don't cum for me...yuck. Haha, but when he said that, I was like, "Wow, that's fabulous. NOW STOP CALLING." Finally, the last time he called I said to him, "If you call one more time, I am going to report you for telephone harrassment. Do you know what they'll do to you for that?" Then he hung up on me and didn't call anymore. Zoe: 1 Jackers: 0. So, then there was another guy who kept calling, and I swear to god these fools need ettiquette classes or something. I think they just like the idea of being able to say whatever they want to a girl without fear of a lawsuit or a slap in the face. So this one guy kept calling me and asking me if I would do all these dirty things to him. It was getting really old, so finally when he said, "Come on baby, you want to suck my dick, don't you?" I said, "Not even if you paid me a lot of money" and hung up on him. He didn't call back either. Guys and their egos are really funny. Zoe: 2, Jackers: 0
Such a Good Family: So, there's this guy who I have talked to twice now. He's crazy. He likes to be tied up, and he likes it when you tease him, and then fuck other guys in front of him, or fuck him but don't let him cum. So, anyway, he never really says anything much on the phone, he just likes to watch (or listen, as it were). So, he's amazingly boring, and it was pretty late. The hardest part of my night starts around 3:30 or so, it's so hard for me to make it through that last hour and a half or so, because I get so tired. So, I'm stuck on the phone with McBoring, and I kind of fell asleep. Not the snoring kind of sleep, but that haze that you get when you're in a boring class or meeting, you can still manage to take notes and stuff, but they're pure nonsense. So I was still talking, which is no surprise, since I do actually talk in my sleep, but I wasn't making a bit of sense. I started having a dream about Jesus and Judas (uhh, don't ask, I don't know why) and Judas was being hung and everyone was talking about it, and I actually woke myself up by saying, "But he came from such a good family". The guy I was talking to was like, "What?" And I had to cover it up and say, "Oh, I don't know...mmm. I love fucking you." Right. I love it so much I'd rather fall asleep and dream about Judas and Jesus. Then, I kept zoning out and forgetting who was supposed to be fucking who and who was watching, and I'd go from one to the other almost indiscriminantly. Luckily for me, he didn't seem like he noticed. This guy was also funny because he told me he hadn't gotten laid in almost a year--but then he defended himself by saying, "But, I've been working out in the middle of no where, and all the girls out there are big and ugly, and I'm not going to settle for junk." I love the male psyche. You guys are winners, you know that, right?
Good Thing I Wore My Stilettos: I think this call made me feel more uncomfortable than any one I've had so far. This guy was strange to begin with, he wanted me to take off my stilettos and well, sorry, this is gross, but fuck him in the ass with the heel. Yuck. So, whatever, I mean, it's definitely not the first time I've heard that. It's still disturbing, but that's fine, I can do that. So, we're talking about it and all of a sudden he gets really serious and says, "Hey Zoe" and I'm like, "Yeah?" and he says, "Tell me you love me." Me: "Uhhhhh...." I have issues with that word anyway, and I have a really hard time trying to sound honest saying it to some guy who currently is imagining me sliding a heel up his butt. I said it though, and then he was like, "Oh, I love you too. I love you so much." STOP BEING CREEPY. STOP IT. Leave the phone sex girl alone, they do not pay me enough to listen to your declarations of love.
That's really all I can remember from last night that's amusing. There are some creepers out there...and girls, keep an eye on your shoes, you never know what's going to happen to them if you turn your back. Yikes.
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