Let's make out

Mainly, I just have a few stories, not much else to say.

Let's Make Out:
My first call last night was with a guy, I think his name was Dave, who wanted to do a two girl call with me and Trista. So, I get on the phone with him, and Trista's sitting on the other side of the wall on her phone, although he thinks we're wearing headsets and right next to each other. Then he tells us that he loves the "natural sound of two girls making out" and he wants us to just get into it and go. So I "made out" with Trista for over 45 minutes, which involved me sitting there, kissing my hand and reading my homework with a stupid moan thrown in every once in awhile. The entire time, all I could think about was Little Giants, where the girl and Devon Sawa are sitting out at the lake and they're practicing kissing their hands and he's like, "Hey babeh" and like, mauls his hand. That's what I felt like. So, after Trista and I "made out" he wanted me to make out with Jaimie. But, he's not content just having us make out, oh no. Eventually he wants us to go down on each other, but before he gets to that part, he wants us to "touch tounges" (whatever that means) and then chant back and forth to each other "I love how we look together". What are we? Gregorian monks? He's actually paying me to make out with my hand. People are CRAZY.

I Love Being Raped:
Now, this story didn't happen to me. Trista was on the phone in the same room as I was in, and I could hear her talking to this guy. Now, he's crazy, and never makes any sense when he calls. At one point I heard her say, "You lost your service? Like, your cell phone signal?" but apparently he told her that he lost his service, meaning his prostitute. I still have a hard time believing people pay for sex...but, whatever. So then, I can only hear one half of the conversation, but I'll give it to you exactly how I heard it, all on Trista's end, of course. "What's that? You want me to be fourteen? Okay, I can do that. Oh, you want to rape me? That's hot. Yeah, there's nothing better than a good old fashioned rapin'. " At that, I had to put my phone on mute and laugh hysterically for a whole minute. A good old fashioned rapin'?? ARE YOU JOKING? Oh, and just in case you are curious, pervs who call us, if you want us to pretend like we like it, then it's not really a RAPE. Let me let you in on a little clue....girls usually don't ENJOY being sexually assaulted. I'm just throwing that out there for all of you social deviants.

PENIS ENLARGEMENT
So, apparently at work we have a few books full of pictures that guys send into us. There are some cock shots, and then some pictures of them with their families....which I think is really weird. There was a picture of one of the guys, who had an abnormally small penis, with a vaccuum attachment stuck on himself. I guess he was masturbating? But, anyway, I digress. There's this book that we have, so that when the guys call and want us to check out their penis pics, we can. So, I'm on a two girl call with Kammi, and she shows me these pictures of this guy's cock and I'm telling you, I have never seen anything like that in my life. I'm 99.99% sure that he jacked the pictures off of the internet, from some porn star...but according to him, he's had three lengthening surgeries and has gone from having a four inch one to a THIRTEEN inch one....a 13 inch one that, according to the people who give him his testosterone shots, produces about 1/2 cup of cum everytime he orgasms. Now, let me ask you...what the hell am I going to do with THIRTEEN inches? Or half a cup of cum? NOTHING. RIDICULOUSNESS, I tell you. 13 inches? Are you kidding me? Where the fuck do you think you're going to put that? Because I will tell you what, I would not let ANYTHING that was 13 inches anywhere near me...these people are out of their mind. But, anyway, he wanted to have us listen to him give himself head, because apparently he can do that with his 13 inch cock. Gross. Gross. Gross.

I Love the Philippines:
There was this guy who called and told me about his trip to the philippines. While he was there, he met a philippino prostitute (a male prostitute) and fell in love with him. He proceeded to talk to me for the next half hour about this boy. He "bought" him for two weeks, and took him to see a professional fight. He said he was planning on moving there in December to take care of the boy and his family and provide for them all so that the kid wouldn't have to prostitute himself anymore. He went on and on about this for literally over a half an hour. So, I listen and talk, but mostly just listen, and when his time is almost up, I let him know. He responds to that by telling me, "Oh, well, I just made all that up." Are you fucking kidding me, you compulsive fucking liar? I just had to sit here and listen to you talk for a half an hour, I had to sit here and listen to some shitty story about your stupid life, and then it was all fake anyway?! Couldn't you have at least made it entertaining if you were going to invent it all? What the fuck.

Touch My Body, Put Me on the Floor:
So, Joe, the guy who did the two girl call with Hayden and I the other night called me again last night. He only wanted to talk for ten minutes, and he didn't want to talk about anything sexual. Instead, he said, "What would you do if you were in a bar on campus and some guy came up to you and started singing touch my body, put me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more.'?" I laughed and told him that I would think that would probably be the most socially awkward situation I'd ever be in. He got all offended and asked, "So, what, it wouldn't make you like him? It wouldn't make you want to fuck him?" I had to answer him with "No, Joe, it would make me laugh, probably, but socially retarded boys don't get laid. I don't fuck guys who sing Mariah Carey, especially in public without provocation." The thing was, he was actually serious. Brain damage. Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?