Pink Sparkle Pony

Sometimes, the guys who call just want someone to be a total asshole to. Not in a sexual way, they are just genuinely rude people, at least that's what I think. For example, there's this guy Joe who calls all the time, and he always wants to talk to Hayden, one of the girls there. So, a few weeks ago, I picked up the phone, said my little hello and was answered with: "Hayden." So I asked him who was calling, and everytime I asked, he just kept saying, "Hayden. Hayden. Hayden." in this ridiculously annoying voice. Finally, I told him that if he didn't shut up and tell me who he was, I was going to make sure he didn't get to talk to Hayden all night long. So then last night, he wanted a two girl call with me and Hayden...I guess he likes people who yell at him, since I had to do it again yesterday evening. Now, usually when a guy wants a two girl call, he wants you to do all kinds of dirty things to each other while he listens. That's always kind of awkward, because you're sitting there, looking at each other while you're pretending to do all this stuff--it's bizarre. But that's not what good old Joe wanted. Instead, he wanted me to quiz both of them so that he could prove that he was smart and Hayden was dumb. I threw out a few questions, like who painted the Last Supper and who wrote the Inferno, both of which Hayden got right and Joe had no idea about. Then I started dumbing down and asking about current events and celebrity baby names. We finally let Joe win because he wouldn't stop whining. So then he wanted us to have a conversation so that he could listen to us. He gave us topics, about our office and stuff, and then switched to politics. He was "Im-fucking-pressed" that we could talk about Clinton and Obama without having a problem. Glad to see that you think I'm totally fucking stupid, Joe.

Then this other guy called last night, and one of the girls gave him to me. I'd talked to him before, and he'd hung up on me, I remembered that much. So I pick up the phone and say hi to him and he goes, "Uhhh, no offense, but can I have someone else?" Burn. Zoe just got shot down by someone who has nothing better to do on a Saturday night than call the phone sex place. Stupid fucker. That kind of stuff makes me angry

There are these guys who like us to be mean to them, right? I mean, total fucking bitches. They want us to degrade them for the size of their penis, they want us to mock them for calling us and giving us all their money, and they want us to tell them how pathetic and worthless they are. What sucks about that is that I am AWFUL at it. While I do think they're rather pathetic because they like being treated like that, I feel even more like they need a few good sessions with a shrink. The thing that sucks about that though is those are the guys who will give you a ton of money, because they get off on it. I was listening to one of the girls talk to a guy on the phone last night, and she charged him a "friendship fee" and then a fee to ignore him. Overall, she charged him over SEVENTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. Which means she gets like, $850 of it. Damn it. Why can't I be mean? Being mean makes the big bucks, but I just don't have it in me! I SUCK. I wish there were normal guys who would pay me like that---I just can't do the psychological mindfuck where I make them feel like shit, although this makes me feel like I should be able to. I should be able to make myself be horribly mean for 1700 dollars. I guess it shows good conscience that I can't do it, but it makes me annoyed.

As for funny stories....I only have one, but it's a good one. So this guy calls on the 800/900 line and requests me, which is strange because I'm pretty sure I've never talked to him before. I start talking to him, and it's clear that he's a panty boy (ie--he likes to wear panties, duh) and a pussy boy (ie--he likes to be told what to do). Eventually it comes out that Hayden has given him the nickname "Pink Sparkle Pony" and that is now all he will refer to himself as when he calls. Apparently, one time she made him put pink sparkles on his, as he referred to it, "peepee". He likes it when you tell him to "Giddy up, pink sparkle pony, giddy up!" and he will gallop around the house on his hands and knees in his pink panties. What the fuck. So, I took it a little bit farther and told him I was going to make him give me a pony ride all the way through the house, the idea of which promptly made him cum. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Pink sparkle pony? Are you fucking kidding me?

This is why I will probably never have a boyfriend again. Pink sparkle pony indeed.