So last night was exceptionally slow. I literally only did four calls, although one of them was seventy minutes, the rest were between 10-15. Anyway, since everything was so slow, I can tell you about all my calls last night, and let me tell you, the perverts were out in full force last night. It must be a full moon...
I like anything kinky...: So, this guy was a real winner. He wanted me to pretend to be his fourteen year old stepdaughter, then he wanted to walk in on my boyfriend and I. It went downhill from there. I can't even really talk about it without wanting to vomit. Eventually in his fantasy he ended up fucking me, having my boyfriend fuck him and piss in his mouth, and then he wanted to bring my "mom" into the whole thing....along with our dog. Nope, not kidding. He wanted to have the dog fuck me, and orgasm inside me so he could lick it out. GROSS. I fucking hate everyone.
You Can't Take It: Then there was a guy who called in on the 900 number. He'd been talking to one of the other girls first, but then he wanted to talk to me. He was crazy, he kept telling me that I couldn't take his "huge 11.5 inch cock" because I was too small. Then he tried to get my phone number, because, "What if you want this dick outside of this? Hmmm?" Then he made me tell him I loved him. SHUT UP. I don't love you fucking dirty men, I think you should be castrated, but hey, if you want to confuse that with love, whatever.
The Rest: Actually, I'm bored with these people, so you get them all under one heading. The first one called and wanted me to help him kidnap a little girl so that we could play with her together. Gross. Luckily for me, he came before anything really happened and I didn't have to talk about it. My last caller was some stupid pussy boy, who called right when I was supposed to be getting off work, so it was actually pretty easy for me to be mean to him. Stupid fucker.
The people who call are sometimes extraordinarily creepy. There was someone who called last night, and luckily the two girls he wanted to talk to weren't in yesterday and he didn't want to talk to me. Apparently he likes you to narrate a story about kidnapping, raping, torturing and killing little girls. I fucking HATE people. Seriously. Sometimes this place is too much for me, when I have to deal with sick bastards like that.
However, the highlight of the night was the call that one of the girls happened to get while I was in the room. It was some guy who was obsessed with girl scouts who sell cookies. All I heard was, "Oh yeah, will you buy some tagalongs for me? Or would you rather try a bite of my thin mints? You know, every time I make you cum, you have to buy a box of cookies, and I'm very dedicated to making my goals."
haha. I hate everyone today.
Also, then one of the girls wanted to talk to me about her sex life. Like, her real sex life. Okay, first of all, you are not exactly an attractive person. Your boyfriend is pretty fucking ugly too. I don't want to hear about how you love it when guys bottom out against your cervix, nor do I want to hear about how your fat boyfriend has a little dick and can't do it. SHUT UP.
ARGGG.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
He was from such a good family...
Last night was a really, really long night. I came in early for one of the girls, and let me tell you, nine hours of phone sex is too many for me. Plus, I don't know if it was just because it was friday night, or what, but there were a bunch of crazies calling in.
The Night of the Jacker: So, for about an hour last night, I kept getting two guys calling in on both our lines. I accidentally made the mistake of telling one of them my name a few months ago, when I first started. We're not supposed to tell them anything about ourselves until we've verified that they are an actual client, or, if they're new, until we have all of their information...mainly to avoid situations like this. So there's this guy who calls and he pretends like he has a stutter, but apparently according to one of the other girls, he doesn't. So, he sits and stutters on the phone because it gives him more time to jack off. Gross. So, anyway, ever since I told him my name, he has had this obsession with talking to me, so when he found out that I was working last night, he wouldn't stop calling. I was being a total bitch to him too, to make him stop, because I'd pick up the phone and say hello, and he'd say something stupid, like, "Do you like me? You want my dick, don't you?" Or my favorite little gem, "I just came for you." Gross. Don't cum for me...yuck. Haha, but when he said that, I was like, "Wow, that's fabulous. NOW STOP CALLING." Finally, the last time he called I said to him, "If you call one more time, I am going to report you for telephone harrassment. Do you know what they'll do to you for that?" Then he hung up on me and didn't call anymore. Zoe: 1 Jackers: 0. So, then there was another guy who kept calling, and I swear to god these fools need ettiquette classes or something. I think they just like the idea of being able to say whatever they want to a girl without fear of a lawsuit or a slap in the face. So this one guy kept calling me and asking me if I would do all these dirty things to him. It was getting really old, so finally when he said, "Come on baby, you want to suck my dick, don't you?" I said, "Not even if you paid me a lot of money" and hung up on him. He didn't call back either. Guys and their egos are really funny. Zoe: 2, Jackers: 0
Such a Good Family: So, there's this guy who I have talked to twice now. He's crazy. He likes to be tied up, and he likes it when you tease him, and then fuck other guys in front of him, or fuck him but don't let him cum. So, anyway, he never really says anything much on the phone, he just likes to watch (or listen, as it were). So, he's amazingly boring, and it was pretty late. The hardest part of my night starts around 3:30 or so, it's so hard for me to make it through that last hour and a half or so, because I get so tired. So, I'm stuck on the phone with McBoring, and I kind of fell asleep. Not the snoring kind of sleep, but that haze that you get when you're in a boring class or meeting, you can still manage to take notes and stuff, but they're pure nonsense. So I was still talking, which is no surprise, since I do actually talk in my sleep, but I wasn't making a bit of sense. I started having a dream about Jesus and Judas (uhh, don't ask, I don't know why) and Judas was being hung and everyone was talking about it, and I actually woke myself up by saying, "But he came from such a good family". The guy I was talking to was like, "What?" And I had to cover it up and say, "Oh, I don't know...mmm. I love fucking you." Right. I love it so much I'd rather fall asleep and dream about Judas and Jesus. Then, I kept zoning out and forgetting who was supposed to be fucking who and who was watching, and I'd go from one to the other almost indiscriminantly. Luckily for me, he didn't seem like he noticed. This guy was also funny because he told me he hadn't gotten laid in almost a year--but then he defended himself by saying, "But, I've been working out in the middle of no where, and all the girls out there are big and ugly, and I'm not going to settle for junk." I love the male psyche. You guys are winners, you know that, right?
Good Thing I Wore My Stilettos: I think this call made me feel more uncomfortable than any one I've had so far. This guy was strange to begin with, he wanted me to take off my stilettos and well, sorry, this is gross, but fuck him in the ass with the heel. Yuck. So, whatever, I mean, it's definitely not the first time I've heard that. It's still disturbing, but that's fine, I can do that. So, we're talking about it and all of a sudden he gets really serious and says, "Hey Zoe" and I'm like, "Yeah?" and he says, "Tell me you love me." Me: "Uhhhhh...." I have issues with that word anyway, and I have a really hard time trying to sound honest saying it to some guy who currently is imagining me sliding a heel up his butt. I said it though, and then he was like, "Oh, I love you too. I love you so much." STOP BEING CREEPY. STOP IT. Leave the phone sex girl alone, they do not pay me enough to listen to your declarations of love.
That's really all I can remember from last night that's amusing. There are some creepers out there...and girls, keep an eye on your shoes, you never know what's going to happen to them if you turn your back. Yikes.
The Night of the Jacker: So, for about an hour last night, I kept getting two guys calling in on both our lines. I accidentally made the mistake of telling one of them my name a few months ago, when I first started. We're not supposed to tell them anything about ourselves until we've verified that they are an actual client, or, if they're new, until we have all of their information...mainly to avoid situations like this. So there's this guy who calls and he pretends like he has a stutter, but apparently according to one of the other girls, he doesn't. So, he sits and stutters on the phone because it gives him more time to jack off. Gross. So, anyway, ever since I told him my name, he has had this obsession with talking to me, so when he found out that I was working last night, he wouldn't stop calling. I was being a total bitch to him too, to make him stop, because I'd pick up the phone and say hello, and he'd say something stupid, like, "Do you like me? You want my dick, don't you?" Or my favorite little gem, "I just came for you." Gross. Don't cum for me...yuck. Haha, but when he said that, I was like, "Wow, that's fabulous. NOW STOP CALLING." Finally, the last time he called I said to him, "If you call one more time, I am going to report you for telephone harrassment. Do you know what they'll do to you for that?" Then he hung up on me and didn't call anymore. Zoe: 1 Jackers: 0. So, then there was another guy who kept calling, and I swear to god these fools need ettiquette classes or something. I think they just like the idea of being able to say whatever they want to a girl without fear of a lawsuit or a slap in the face. So this one guy kept calling me and asking me if I would do all these dirty things to him. It was getting really old, so finally when he said, "Come on baby, you want to suck my dick, don't you?" I said, "Not even if you paid me a lot of money" and hung up on him. He didn't call back either. Guys and their egos are really funny. Zoe: 2, Jackers: 0
Such a Good Family: So, there's this guy who I have talked to twice now. He's crazy. He likes to be tied up, and he likes it when you tease him, and then fuck other guys in front of him, or fuck him but don't let him cum. So, anyway, he never really says anything much on the phone, he just likes to watch (or listen, as it were). So, he's amazingly boring, and it was pretty late. The hardest part of my night starts around 3:30 or so, it's so hard for me to make it through that last hour and a half or so, because I get so tired. So, I'm stuck on the phone with McBoring, and I kind of fell asleep. Not the snoring kind of sleep, but that haze that you get when you're in a boring class or meeting, you can still manage to take notes and stuff, but they're pure nonsense. So I was still talking, which is no surprise, since I do actually talk in my sleep, but I wasn't making a bit of sense. I started having a dream about Jesus and Judas (uhh, don't ask, I don't know why) and Judas was being hung and everyone was talking about it, and I actually woke myself up by saying, "But he came from such a good family". The guy I was talking to was like, "What?" And I had to cover it up and say, "Oh, I don't know...mmm. I love fucking you." Right. I love it so much I'd rather fall asleep and dream about Judas and Jesus. Then, I kept zoning out and forgetting who was supposed to be fucking who and who was watching, and I'd go from one to the other almost indiscriminantly. Luckily for me, he didn't seem like he noticed. This guy was also funny because he told me he hadn't gotten laid in almost a year--but then he defended himself by saying, "But, I've been working out in the middle of no where, and all the girls out there are big and ugly, and I'm not going to settle for junk." I love the male psyche. You guys are winners, you know that, right?
Good Thing I Wore My Stilettos: I think this call made me feel more uncomfortable than any one I've had so far. This guy was strange to begin with, he wanted me to take off my stilettos and well, sorry, this is gross, but fuck him in the ass with the heel. Yuck. So, whatever, I mean, it's definitely not the first time I've heard that. It's still disturbing, but that's fine, I can do that. So, we're talking about it and all of a sudden he gets really serious and says, "Hey Zoe" and I'm like, "Yeah?" and he says, "Tell me you love me." Me: "Uhhhhh...." I have issues with that word anyway, and I have a really hard time trying to sound honest saying it to some guy who currently is imagining me sliding a heel up his butt. I said it though, and then he was like, "Oh, I love you too. I love you so much." STOP BEING CREEPY. STOP IT. Leave the phone sex girl alone, they do not pay me enough to listen to your declarations of love.
That's really all I can remember from last night that's amusing. There are some creepers out there...and girls, keep an eye on your shoes, you never know what's going to happen to them if you turn your back. Yikes.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Let's make out
Mainly, I just have a few stories, not much else to say.
Let's Make Out:
My first call last night was with a guy, I think his name was Dave, who wanted to do a two girl call with me and Trista. So, I get on the phone with him, and Trista's sitting on the other side of the wall on her phone, although he thinks we're wearing headsets and right next to each other. Then he tells us that he loves the "natural sound of two girls making out" and he wants us to just get into it and go. So I "made out" with Trista for over 45 minutes, which involved me sitting there, kissing my hand and reading my homework with a stupid moan thrown in every once in awhile. The entire time, all I could think about was Little Giants, where the girl and Devon Sawa are sitting out at the lake and they're practicing kissing their hands and he's like, "Hey babeh" and like, mauls his hand. That's what I felt like. So, after Trista and I "made out" he wanted me to make out with Jaimie. But, he's not content just having us make out, oh no. Eventually he wants us to go down on each other, but before he gets to that part, he wants us to "touch tounges" (whatever that means) and then chant back and forth to each other "I love how we look together". What are we? Gregorian monks? He's actually paying me to make out with my hand. People are CRAZY.
I Love Being Raped:
Now, this story didn't happen to me. Trista was on the phone in the same room as I was in, and I could hear her talking to this guy. Now, he's crazy, and never makes any sense when he calls. At one point I heard her say, "You lost your service? Like, your cell phone signal?" but apparently he told her that he lost his service, meaning his prostitute. I still have a hard time believing people pay for sex...but, whatever. So then, I can only hear one half of the conversation, but I'll give it to you exactly how I heard it, all on Trista's end, of course. "What's that? You want me to be fourteen? Okay, I can do that. Oh, you want to rape me? That's hot. Yeah, there's nothing better than a good old fashioned rapin'. " At that, I had to put my phone on mute and laugh hysterically for a whole minute. A good old fashioned rapin'?? ARE YOU JOKING? Oh, and just in case you are curious, pervs who call us, if you want us to pretend like we like it, then it's not really a RAPE. Let me let you in on a little clue....girls usually don't ENJOY being sexually assaulted. I'm just throwing that out there for all of you social deviants.
PENIS ENLARGEMENT
So, apparently at work we have a few books full of pictures that guys send into us. There are some cock shots, and then some pictures of them with their families....which I think is really weird. There was a picture of one of the guys, who had an abnormally small penis, with a vaccuum attachment stuck on himself. I guess he was masturbating? But, anyway, I digress. There's this book that we have, so that when the guys call and want us to check out their penis pics, we can. So, I'm on a two girl call with Kammi, and she shows me these pictures of this guy's cock and I'm telling you, I have never seen anything like that in my life. I'm 99.99% sure that he jacked the pictures off of the internet, from some porn star...but according to him, he's had three lengthening surgeries and has gone from having a four inch one to a THIRTEEN inch one....a 13 inch one that, according to the people who give him his testosterone shots, produces about 1/2 cup of cum everytime he orgasms. Now, let me ask you...what the hell am I going to do with THIRTEEN inches? Or half a cup of cum? NOTHING. RIDICULOUSNESS, I tell you. 13 inches? Are you kidding me? Where the fuck do you think you're going to put that? Because I will tell you what, I would not let ANYTHING that was 13 inches anywhere near me...these people are out of their mind. But, anyway, he wanted to have us listen to him give himself head, because apparently he can do that with his 13 inch cock. Gross. Gross. Gross.
I Love the Philippines:
There was this guy who called and told me about his trip to the philippines. While he was there, he met a philippino prostitute (a male prostitute) and fell in love with him. He proceeded to talk to me for the next half hour about this boy. He "bought" him for two weeks, and took him to see a professional fight. He said he was planning on moving there in December to take care of the boy and his family and provide for them all so that the kid wouldn't have to prostitute himself anymore. He went on and on about this for literally over a half an hour. So, I listen and talk, but mostly just listen, and when his time is almost up, I let him know. He responds to that by telling me, "Oh, well, I just made all that up." Are you fucking kidding me, you compulsive fucking liar? I just had to sit here and listen to you talk for a half an hour, I had to sit here and listen to some shitty story about your stupid life, and then it was all fake anyway?! Couldn't you have at least made it entertaining if you were going to invent it all? What the fuck.
Touch My Body, Put Me on the Floor:
So, Joe, the guy who did the two girl call with Hayden and I the other night called me again last night. He only wanted to talk for ten minutes, and he didn't want to talk about anything sexual. Instead, he said, "What would you do if you were in a bar on campus and some guy came up to you and started singing touch my body, put me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more.'?" I laughed and told him that I would think that would probably be the most socially awkward situation I'd ever be in. He got all offended and asked, "So, what, it wouldn't make you like him? It wouldn't make you want to fuck him?" I had to answer him with "No, Joe, it would make me laugh, probably, but socially retarded boys don't get laid. I don't fuck guys who sing Mariah Carey, especially in public without provocation." The thing was, he was actually serious. Brain damage. Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
Let's Make Out:
My first call last night was with a guy, I think his name was Dave, who wanted to do a two girl call with me and Trista. So, I get on the phone with him, and Trista's sitting on the other side of the wall on her phone, although he thinks we're wearing headsets and right next to each other. Then he tells us that he loves the "natural sound of two girls making out" and he wants us to just get into it and go. So I "made out" with Trista for over 45 minutes, which involved me sitting there, kissing my hand and reading my homework with a stupid moan thrown in every once in awhile. The entire time, all I could think about was Little Giants, where the girl and Devon Sawa are sitting out at the lake and they're practicing kissing their hands and he's like, "Hey babeh" and like, mauls his hand. That's what I felt like. So, after Trista and I "made out" he wanted me to make out with Jaimie. But, he's not content just having us make out, oh no. Eventually he wants us to go down on each other, but before he gets to that part, he wants us to "touch tounges" (whatever that means) and then chant back and forth to each other "I love how we look together". What are we? Gregorian monks? He's actually paying me to make out with my hand. People are CRAZY.
I Love Being Raped:
Now, this story didn't happen to me. Trista was on the phone in the same room as I was in, and I could hear her talking to this guy. Now, he's crazy, and never makes any sense when he calls. At one point I heard her say, "You lost your service? Like, your cell phone signal?" but apparently he told her that he lost his service, meaning his prostitute. I still have a hard time believing people pay for sex...but, whatever. So then, I can only hear one half of the conversation, but I'll give it to you exactly how I heard it, all on Trista's end, of course. "What's that? You want me to be fourteen? Okay, I can do that. Oh, you want to rape me? That's hot. Yeah, there's nothing better than a good old fashioned rapin'. " At that, I had to put my phone on mute and laugh hysterically for a whole minute. A good old fashioned rapin'?? ARE YOU JOKING? Oh, and just in case you are curious, pervs who call us, if you want us to pretend like we like it, then it's not really a RAPE. Let me let you in on a little clue....girls usually don't ENJOY being sexually assaulted. I'm just throwing that out there for all of you social deviants.
PENIS ENLARGEMENT
So, apparently at work we have a few books full of pictures that guys send into us. There are some cock shots, and then some pictures of them with their families....which I think is really weird. There was a picture of one of the guys, who had an abnormally small penis, with a vaccuum attachment stuck on himself. I guess he was masturbating? But, anyway, I digress. There's this book that we have, so that when the guys call and want us to check out their penis pics, we can. So, I'm on a two girl call with Kammi, and she shows me these pictures of this guy's cock and I'm telling you, I have never seen anything like that in my life. I'm 99.99% sure that he jacked the pictures off of the internet, from some porn star...but according to him, he's had three lengthening surgeries and has gone from having a four inch one to a THIRTEEN inch one....a 13 inch one that, according to the people who give him his testosterone shots, produces about 1/2 cup of cum everytime he orgasms. Now, let me ask you...what the hell am I going to do with THIRTEEN inches? Or half a cup of cum? NOTHING. RIDICULOUSNESS, I tell you. 13 inches? Are you kidding me? Where the fuck do you think you're going to put that? Because I will tell you what, I would not let ANYTHING that was 13 inches anywhere near me...these people are out of their mind. But, anyway, he wanted to have us listen to him give himself head, because apparently he can do that with his 13 inch cock. Gross. Gross. Gross.
I Love the Philippines:
There was this guy who called and told me about his trip to the philippines. While he was there, he met a philippino prostitute (a male prostitute) and fell in love with him. He proceeded to talk to me for the next half hour about this boy. He "bought" him for two weeks, and took him to see a professional fight. He said he was planning on moving there in December to take care of the boy and his family and provide for them all so that the kid wouldn't have to prostitute himself anymore. He went on and on about this for literally over a half an hour. So, I listen and talk, but mostly just listen, and when his time is almost up, I let him know. He responds to that by telling me, "Oh, well, I just made all that up." Are you fucking kidding me, you compulsive fucking liar? I just had to sit here and listen to you talk for a half an hour, I had to sit here and listen to some shitty story about your stupid life, and then it was all fake anyway?! Couldn't you have at least made it entertaining if you were going to invent it all? What the fuck.
Touch My Body, Put Me on the Floor:
So, Joe, the guy who did the two girl call with Hayden and I the other night called me again last night. He only wanted to talk for ten minutes, and he didn't want to talk about anything sexual. Instead, he said, "What would you do if you were in a bar on campus and some guy came up to you and started singing touch my body, put me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more.'?" I laughed and told him that I would think that would probably be the most socially awkward situation I'd ever be in. He got all offended and asked, "So, what, it wouldn't make you like him? It wouldn't make you want to fuck him?" I had to answer him with "No, Joe, it would make me laugh, probably, but socially retarded boys don't get laid. I don't fuck guys who sing Mariah Carey, especially in public without provocation." The thing was, he was actually serious. Brain damage. Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Pink Sparkle Pony
Sometimes, the guys who call just want someone to be a total asshole to. Not in a sexual way, they are just genuinely rude people, at least that's what I think. For example, there's this guy Joe who calls all the time, and he always wants to talk to Hayden, one of the girls there. So, a few weeks ago, I picked up the phone, said my little hello and was answered with: "Hayden." So I asked him who was calling, and everytime I asked, he just kept saying, "Hayden. Hayden. Hayden." in this ridiculously annoying voice. Finally, I told him that if he didn't shut up and tell me who he was, I was going to make sure he didn't get to talk to Hayden all night long. So then last night, he wanted a two girl call with me and Hayden...I guess he likes people who yell at him, since I had to do it again yesterday evening. Now, usually when a guy wants a two girl call, he wants you to do all kinds of dirty things to each other while he listens. That's always kind of awkward, because you're sitting there, looking at each other while you're pretending to do all this stuff--it's bizarre. But that's not what good old Joe wanted. Instead, he wanted me to quiz both of them so that he could prove that he was smart and Hayden was dumb. I threw out a few questions, like who painted the Last Supper and who wrote the Inferno, both of which Hayden got right and Joe had no idea about. Then I started dumbing down and asking about current events and celebrity baby names. We finally let Joe win because he wouldn't stop whining. So then he wanted us to have a conversation so that he could listen to us. He gave us topics, about our office and stuff, and then switched to politics. He was "Im-fucking-pressed" that we could talk about Clinton and Obama without having a problem. Glad to see that you think I'm totally fucking stupid, Joe.
Then this other guy called last night, and one of the girls gave him to me. I'd talked to him before, and he'd hung up on me, I remembered that much. So I pick up the phone and say hi to him and he goes, "Uhhh, no offense, but can I have someone else?" Burn. Zoe just got shot down by someone who has nothing better to do on a Saturday night than call the phone sex place. Stupid fucker. That kind of stuff makes me angry
There are these guys who like us to be mean to them, right? I mean, total fucking bitches. They want us to degrade them for the size of their penis, they want us to mock them for calling us and giving us all their money, and they want us to tell them how pathetic and worthless they are. What sucks about that is that I am AWFUL at it. While I do think they're rather pathetic because they like being treated like that, I feel even more like they need a few good sessions with a shrink. The thing that sucks about that though is those are the guys who will give you a ton of money, because they get off on it. I was listening to one of the girls talk to a guy on the phone last night, and she charged him a "friendship fee" and then a fee to ignore him. Overall, she charged him over SEVENTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. Which means she gets like, $850 of it. Damn it. Why can't I be mean? Being mean makes the big bucks, but I just don't have it in me! I SUCK. I wish there were normal guys who would pay me like that---I just can't do the psychological mindfuck where I make them feel like shit, although this makes me feel like I should be able to. I should be able to make myself be horribly mean for 1700 dollars. I guess it shows good conscience that I can't do it, but it makes me annoyed.
As for funny stories....I only have one, but it's a good one. So this guy calls on the 800/900 line and requests me, which is strange because I'm pretty sure I've never talked to him before. I start talking to him, and it's clear that he's a panty boy (ie--he likes to wear panties, duh) and a pussy boy (ie--he likes to be told what to do). Eventually it comes out that Hayden has given him the nickname "Pink Sparkle Pony" and that is now all he will refer to himself as when he calls. Apparently, one time she made him put pink sparkles on his, as he referred to it, "peepee". He likes it when you tell him to "Giddy up, pink sparkle pony, giddy up!" and he will gallop around the house on his hands and knees in his pink panties. What the fuck. So, I took it a little bit farther and told him I was going to make him give me a pony ride all the way through the house, the idea of which promptly made him cum. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Pink sparkle pony? Are you fucking kidding me?
This is why I will probably never have a boyfriend again. Pink sparkle pony indeed.
Then this other guy called last night, and one of the girls gave him to me. I'd talked to him before, and he'd hung up on me, I remembered that much. So I pick up the phone and say hi to him and he goes, "Uhhh, no offense, but can I have someone else?" Burn. Zoe just got shot down by someone who has nothing better to do on a Saturday night than call the phone sex place. Stupid fucker. That kind of stuff makes me angry
There are these guys who like us to be mean to them, right? I mean, total fucking bitches. They want us to degrade them for the size of their penis, they want us to mock them for calling us and giving us all their money, and they want us to tell them how pathetic and worthless they are. What sucks about that is that I am AWFUL at it. While I do think they're rather pathetic because they like being treated like that, I feel even more like they need a few good sessions with a shrink. The thing that sucks about that though is those are the guys who will give you a ton of money, because they get off on it. I was listening to one of the girls talk to a guy on the phone last night, and she charged him a "friendship fee" and then a fee to ignore him. Overall, she charged him over SEVENTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. Which means she gets like, $850 of it. Damn it. Why can't I be mean? Being mean makes the big bucks, but I just don't have it in me! I SUCK. I wish there were normal guys who would pay me like that---I just can't do the psychological mindfuck where I make them feel like shit, although this makes me feel like I should be able to. I should be able to make myself be horribly mean for 1700 dollars. I guess it shows good conscience that I can't do it, but it makes me annoyed.
As for funny stories....I only have one, but it's a good one. So this guy calls on the 800/900 line and requests me, which is strange because I'm pretty sure I've never talked to him before. I start talking to him, and it's clear that he's a panty boy (ie--he likes to wear panties, duh) and a pussy boy (ie--he likes to be told what to do). Eventually it comes out that Hayden has given him the nickname "Pink Sparkle Pony" and that is now all he will refer to himself as when he calls. Apparently, one time she made him put pink sparkles on his, as he referred to it, "peepee". He likes it when you tell him to "Giddy up, pink sparkle pony, giddy up!" and he will gallop around the house on his hands and knees in his pink panties. What the fuck. So, I took it a little bit farther and told him I was going to make him give me a pony ride all the way through the house, the idea of which promptly made him cum. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Pink sparkle pony? Are you fucking kidding me?
This is why I will probably never have a boyfriend again. Pink sparkle pony indeed.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Story time!
So, I have three stories from the past few days that I think you guys will enjoy. I think that if I know you, and we're friends, you should ask me to recount them to you in person, because it will undoubtably be far more amusing than anything I can put into written form.
The Creeper: Now, I've had my share of creepy people who call in. I mean, I've figured out that the majority of people who call phone sex lines are sexually devient, and their fantasies won't be accepted by the majority of the population. They don't really creep me out anymore, I can talk about pretty much without really being weirded out (unless it's something that goes strongly against my own sexual inclinations). Anyway, so this guy called the other night, and he was without a doubt the creepiest man I have ever talked to. The first thing that gave him away is something that I can't express to you, his laugh. It was soft and high pitched and devious. Really nasally and just...creepy. Think of how you would assume a child molestor or voyeur would laugh, and you've got the creeper. Anyway, he was obsessed with skin, or, more specifically, my "soft, flawless, porceline skin". He also kept coming up with the weirdest names for things. He wanted to put his hands on my "young teenaged boobies". I kid you not. Boobies. Who calls a sex line and says BOOBIES? That wasn't the end of it though. He also said the word pussy by stretching out the "ss" and sounding like a snake. Except he was serious. He'd come up with other words every once in awhile. I heard beaver, peach, butterfly and clitty...all of which made me want to stab myself in the face. He also wanted to suck on my toes, and proceeded to make sucking noises into the phone. I had to keep putting him on mute, I was laughing so hard. What is wrong with you people? Do you not know that there is NO ONE THERE but you? Ugh, then came the noises like he was going down on me. I'm not kidding, he was actually licking the phone, and laughing his creepy laugh. I don't think I've ever been so happy for a call to be over, or in such need of a brain bleach.
The Masochist: Now, most people know that a little pain during sex can be a really big turn on. Some people take it farther than others, but there are some who I am pretty sure should get the number of a solid psychiatric professional. This guy called, and began by saying, "Well, I'm really into torture. I have a few things here and I want you to tell me how to use them on my dick." Me: "Oh really? What kind of things?" In my head I'm cringing, because I know where this is going, and it's no where good my friends, no where good. Masochist: "Well, I've got a wooden spatula, a rubber band, a screwdriver, a needle and thread and an exacto-knife". So, my imaginary penis has just shriveled up and cried at what I'm going to have to say to this poor, twisted guy. I start out (oh yeah, I'm going into details, just so you guys can get the extent of it. Don't worry, we didn't get as far as the needle and thread or the knife), and I tell him to wrap the rubber band around his balls and his dick and snap it against himself...and I can hear him doing it. After a little while, where I can tell he's getting more excited (I told you, sick sick sick), I have him slap the spatula against himself. I can hear it, and I have to keep egging him on to do it harder, while I wonder if this kind of thing causes damage. He's begging me for more, and so I have to move on...screwdriver, needle or knife? These are not choices I like. I go for the screwdriver (and feel REALLY BAD about it), and have him......well....work it up inside himself. My imaginary penis, at this point, packs it's bags and runs away from home. Finally, I can hear him orgasming, and he hangs up. Meanwhile, I feel like a bitch for the rest of the night.
The Best Domination Call EVER: So, at this point, I have to reveal the school I go to, because the story only works if you know this information. I had a guy on the phone who wanted to be dominated, which isn't really that uncommon. I ask him what kind of domination he's into, and it's the typical, toe-sucking, wearing panties, having the size of his dick humiliated, and having a strap on used on him (I told you, guys are weird). It would have been pretty run of the mill, until he told me that he was a MICHIGAN fan. Yes, that's right, a Wolverine fan right in my hands. Usually, I feel like I suck at domination calls, because it's so far away from how I am in real life, but being the Buckeye I am, this came naturally to me. So, the roleplay goes as follows. We go to the OSU/Michigan game, and Michigan loses, as has been the case for the past four years. When we get home, I make him take off his Michigan shirt and standby while I pour bleach all over it, so he can watch it dissolve in front of his eyes. Then, I make him put on my OSU jersey. He says "Please Zoe, don't make me" but I know that he really likes it, and so I force it onto him. That's not enough though, and eventually I make him take off his pants and put on my red block O panties (not that I actually have any of those, but that's neither here nor there). He begs me not to, but I force him to. Then I sit back and tell him, "Troy Smith's cock is so much bigger than yours. You're such a little Ohio State bitch boy, aren't you? You love Jim Tressel, don't you? You just fucking love his little sweatervest. Say it. SAY IT." Him: "I love his sweatervest. I love it!" Meanwhile, he goes on mute, and I laugh my ass off for a minute before talking to him again. Eventually I make him get on his hands and knees so he can take my scarlet and grey strap-on (weird, I know). So, I'm ''fucking'' him, and I tell him, "I'm going to yell OH and I want you to yell IO" Him: "No! NO. Please don't make me." Me: "OH" Him: "io". Me: "SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT, YOU LITTLE OHIO STATE BITCH" Him: "IO! IO!" Me: Dies laughing. "Say you're an Ohio State Bitch Boy. Say Fuck Michigan. DO IT." Him: "I'M A LITTLE OHIO STATE BITCH BOY. FUCK MICHIGAN. FUCK MICHIGAN. GO BUCKS!" Then he cums, and hangs up.
Suddenly, I feel much better about my life. Mainly because that is the most awesome call ever.
The Creeper: Now, I've had my share of creepy people who call in. I mean, I've figured out that the majority of people who call phone sex lines are sexually devient, and their fantasies won't be accepted by the majority of the population. They don't really creep me out anymore, I can talk about pretty much without really being weirded out (unless it's something that goes strongly against my own sexual inclinations). Anyway, so this guy called the other night, and he was without a doubt the creepiest man I have ever talked to. The first thing that gave him away is something that I can't express to you, his laugh. It was soft and high pitched and devious. Really nasally and just...creepy. Think of how you would assume a child molestor or voyeur would laugh, and you've got the creeper. Anyway, he was obsessed with skin, or, more specifically, my "soft, flawless, porceline skin"
The Masochist: Now, most people know that a little pain during sex can be a really big turn on. Some people take it farther than others, but there are some who I am pretty sure should get the number of a solid psychiatric professional. This guy called, and began by saying, "Well, I'm really into torture. I have a few things here and I want you to tell me how to use them on my dick." Me: "Oh really? What kind of things?" In my head I'm cringing, because I know where this is going, and it's no where good my friends, no where good. Masochist: "Well, I've got a wooden spatula, a rubber band, a screwdriver, a needle and thread and an exacto-knife". So, my imaginary penis has just shriveled up and cried at what I'm going to have to say to this poor, twisted guy. I start out (oh yeah, I'm going into details, just so you guys can get the extent of it. Don't worry, we didn't get as far as the needle and thread or the knife), and I tell him to wrap the rubber band around his balls and his dick and snap it against himself...and I can hear him doing it. After a little while, where I can tell he's getting more excited (I told you, sick sick sick), I have him slap the spatula against himself. I can hear it, and I have to keep egging him on to do it harder, while I wonder if this kind of thing causes damage. He's begging me for more, and so I have to move on...screwdriver, needle or knife? These are not choices I like. I go for the screwdriver (and feel REALLY BAD about it), and have him......well....work it up inside himself. My imaginary penis, at this point, packs it's bags and runs away from home. Finally, I can hear him orgasming, and he hangs up. Meanwhile, I feel like a bitch for the rest of the night.
The Best Domination Call EVER: So, at this point, I have to reveal the school I go to, because the story only works if you know this information. I had a guy on the phone who wanted to be dominated, which isn't really that uncommon. I ask him what kind of domination he's into, and it's the typical, toe-sucking, wearing panties, having the size of his dick humiliated, and having a strap on used on him (I told you, guys are weird). It would have been pretty run of the mill, until he told me that he was a MICHIGAN fan. Yes, that's right, a Wolverine fan right in my hands. Usually, I feel like I suck at domination calls, because it's so far away from how I am in real life, but being the Buckeye I am, this came naturally to me. So, the roleplay goes as follows. We go to the OSU/Michigan game, and Michigan loses, as has been the case for the past four years. When we get home, I make him take off his Michigan shirt and standby while I pour bleach all over it, so he can watch it dissolve in front of his eyes. Then, I make him put on my OSU jersey. He says "Please Zoe, don't make me" but I know that he really likes it, and so I force it onto him. That's not enough though, and eventually I make him take off his pants and put on my red block O panties (not that I actually have any of those, but that's neither here nor there). He begs me not to, but I force him to. Then I sit back and tell him, "Troy Smith's cock is so much bigger than yours. You're such a little Ohio State bitch boy, aren't you? You love Jim Tressel, don't you? You just fucking love his little sweatervest. Say it. SAY IT." Him: "I love his sweatervest. I love it!" Meanwhile, he goes on mute, and I laugh my ass off for a minute before talking to him again. Eventually I make him get on his hands and knees so he can take my scarlet and grey strap-on (weird, I know). So, I'm ''fucking'' him, and I tell him, "I'm going to yell OH and I want you to yell IO" Him: "No! NO. Please don't make me." Me: "OH" Him: "io". Me: "SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT, YOU LITTLE OHIO STATE BITCH" Him: "IO! IO!" Me: Dies laughing. "Say you're an Ohio State Bitch Boy. Say Fuck Michigan. DO IT." Him: "I'M A LITTLE OHIO STATE BITCH BOY. FUCK MICHIGAN. FUCK MICHIGAN. GO BUCKS!" Then he cums, and hangs up.
Suddenly, I feel much better about my life. Mainly because that is the most awesome call ever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)